Only 3 More Days!!!

Monday!!!!  I can not wait.  At 8 am we have our Dr's appointment to find out if it is a boy or girl and to see our little nugget for the first time in 9 weeks.  I can not wait to see that little one moving all around. 

I feel the baby move now every day.  I sit down on the couch and it just goes crazy.   I have to say I think this little stinker is going to give us a run for our money on feeling it move from the outside.  I will feel it moving around like crazy so I will put my hand there to try and feel it and then it just stops...not flutters, no kicks(which feel like just tiny little pops those are not very often) nothing.  So I'll move my hand and in  a few more minutes I'll feel it move again so I try to put my hand there and nothing.  It actually makes me giggle.  Almost like it is trying to play hide and go seek.

I've been feeling really good.  I still want to nap in the middle of the day but i don't feel like I'm exhausted all the time.  I feel like the second trimester is going to be good for me.  I am getting my sweet tooth back but I'm trying hard not to give in all the time...but I have to admit it's hard and I've given in more times than I care to admit.

I plan on making gender reveal cupcakes to bring into work after the ultrasound on Monday in order to share with my coworkers if it's a boy or girl. 

Here is a picture I took a few days ago when I hit 17 weeks.  I'm not in a maternity shirt.  And I'm noticing they get really short towards the belly.  So far I'm up about 3 pounds....which I'm pretty proud of.  Hoping to only gain one pound a week right now but I'm starting to get the unhealthy cravings lately so I am also trying to combat that.  I still want fruit a lot so I've been letting myself enjoy oranges, apples and fruit smoothies for breakfast though fruit isn't exactly in season in January.  I've found some decent ones. 

Can't wait to share with you readers pink or blue on Monday!!!

A Letter To My Baby

I haven't seen your face yet.  I don't even know if your a boy or a girl.  But know that you are so very loved.  I think about you every day.  I wait to feel your movements and anticipate it every second. Even now you are already in my prayers.  We have struggled so hard to bring you into this world.  But we know that every struggle and frustration was so worth it.  We are so excited to share the world with you.  To share our love, our knowledge our gifts with you.  To watch you grow up into whatever it is you want to become.  

I will tell you that wherever God leads you we commit to support you.  If he tells you to go the Appalachians and help the poor, or to become a postman or anything.  Whatever you feel led to do we will be there with you.  Nothing you ever do will make us not love you.  Nothing you ever do will make us love you less.  Already our hearts flow in overabundance. 

You are beautiful, though I've never seen your face.  You are perfect though you are not even yet breathing air.  We love you and can not wait to hold you in our arms. 

We commit to love you unconditionally.  To raise you up in the way God would have us to.  We will let you discover the beauty of the relationship with our creator on your own.  Though we will be there to share what wisdom we can. 

We commit to protect you.  To do everything we can to keep you out of harms way and to lay down our lives for you if that were ever necessary.

We love you little one.  And in just 8 more days we will be able to call you by name.  We will know if you are a boy or girl.  But either way nothing will change.  Your still our angel.  Our blessing from the Lord.  And we can't wait to see your face. 

Belly Transitions

I was going through my phone and was amazed at the transition you can see as my belly grows.  So Here  is a little look  into that...I  dont have a  picture for every week but you'll get the picture.

 nn

 This last one I took today.  Definitely  loving every second of it.  I weighed myself this  morning and have only gained  about 3 pounds so far.  So  that made me happy since Ihave so much extra  pudge I started  with already.  

16 weeks

Today I am 16 weeks pregnant.  It seems like time if flying by but crawling at the same time if that makes any sense at all.  I have to say I enjoy being pregnant immensely, despite the stress of the bleeding ect;  I love feeling those little flutters of life shifting around inside.  I think I felt my first defined kicked today too.  It felt like just a little pop of popcorn....no other way to really describe it.  I only felt it the once so I'm not sure if I was actually feeling a kick but I guess I'll find out soon enough when the baby starts moving around even more.

I'll be posting my 16 week picture later tonight so feel free to check for an update. 

Bleeding Again

I woke up yesterday to really wet underwear.  My immediate thought was I peed my pants.  I got up ran to the bathroom to discover I had started bleeding again.  Thankfully nothing near as scary as when I was in Louisiana when I had the hemorrhage diagnosed.  But still very disappointing.  Thankfully it only lasted for a few minutes once I was up and moving about and then went down to spotting after that.  By the end of the day the spotting was done as well and just down to some tinged cervical mucus and now nothing as if it never happened.  Which I'm really grateful for. 

I called my midwives to tell them this is my first bleeding episode since November 20th and ask if I need to come in or have anything checked out.  They said it wasn't necessary, since the bleeding wasn't heavy and wasn't accompanied by any cramping or pain there wasn't anything they could do.  I'm really hoping that maybe that was just the last of the hemorrhage being pushed out.  We go in two weeks for our anatomy scan so we will find out then if it is gone.  I just hate bleeding it's so stressful and I completely hate it.  

But I know God has his hands on this little one despite what has been thrown at us.  So I will just continue to Trust in the Lord with all my heart. 

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding Proverbs 3:5

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

An end to 2014

Today is just very hard for me.  As much as I have to be grateful for this year I feel like I lost so much.  I will never again be able to pick up the phone and tell my brother I love him.  I have friends who have also lost loved ones and little ones.  I look back at 2014....so glad to leave it behind.  This year has been one full of hardships, stress and aggravation. 

Of course we have had our victories as well, and God has finally brought us into the next chapter, but boy it was so very hard getting here.

I don't know what it is about today that is making it so hard for me emotionally.  I just kind of feel at a loss for words....normally on this day of the year I scream out my blessings and shout from the roof tops how happy I am how how great everything has been.  But this year I don't think I can do that....this year all I want to do is show it my middle finger and say suck on this!

I know His ways are higher than ours.....I know that good will come out of EVERY evil situation that has come about this past year.  Not just in my own life but in my friends and family who are hurting as well. 

God I'm not even sure what to say right now.  My heart just feels so heavy.  Its as if the weight of all the stress of this past year is resting on my shoulders and as I'm about to let it go and step into the next chapter I realize just how draining its been.  Almost like a marathon runner I kept running and running without really realizing just how tired I am. 

I think another thing is this pregnancy is getting me to slow down and really realize that I can not do it all, and that is okay.  But it just isn't me.  I'm so used to keeping everything together: finances, house, groceries, work everything.  Giving 100% everywhere I go but now I just feel so drained and so tired.  And I know I need to listen to my body.  But as I don't feel as accomplished in other areas and I feel like a failure.  I know in part its because I'm a perfectionist but I'm just over it.  I just want to sit down and do nothing all the time.  I guess maybe it's my priorities are changing, I'm really not sure. 

God in this next year I want to run after you ever harder.  I want to seek after you 100%  I want to know before this child even comes how I can raise it the way you would want us to.  Lord I thank you for the blessings you have given us in 2014.  I thank you that my husband and I have grown closer.  We've learned that we truly can accomplish anything together.  I've realized how family must always come first, despite what sacrifices must come with that.  I have loved, I have lost but I am still whole.  I am still complete.  My life has meaning and purpose and I ask for you to help me to focus on those things.  Lord I ask for my friendships to deepen and be founded in you.  I ask that you would help me to look through every situation with your eyes and your understanding.  I ask that you would help me to be the wife, the mother, the daughter, the sister and friend that you would have me to be.  In your righteous name.  ~Amen

I encourage anyone who has dealt with stress or hardships in 2014 to listen to the song below.  Its beautiful!  

 

So Tired

So lately I have just been so tired.  I sleep about 9-10 hours a night but then still feel like I want a nap later during the day.  I have never believed that I was going to be this tired even into the second trimester.  But I do have to say I have been pretty productive.  Every day getting something ready/closer to being ready for the baby.  We ordered our corner office desk for the office so we can move it down into the computer room and tomorrow I plan on emptying one of the closets tomorrow and getting things started.  I can't wait to have that room cleaned out in order to start getting stuff together for the nursery.  I did decide either way we will paint the nursery a very light blue and then use decorations to either go for a girl or boy theme. 

I feel like I'm kind of  rambling so I'm going to go ahead and just stop while I'm ahead.