An end to 2014

Today is just very hard for me.  As much as I have to be grateful for this year I feel like I lost so much.  I will never again be able to pick up the phone and tell my brother I love him.  I have friends who have also lost loved ones and little ones.  I look back at 2014....so glad to leave it behind.  This year has been one full of hardships, stress and aggravation. 

Of course we have had our victories as well, and God has finally brought us into the next chapter, but boy it was so very hard getting here.

I don't know what it is about today that is making it so hard for me emotionally.  I just kind of feel at a loss for words....normally on this day of the year I scream out my blessings and shout from the roof tops how happy I am how how great everything has been.  But this year I don't think I can do that....this year all I want to do is show it my middle finger and say suck on this!

I know His ways are higher than ours.....I know that good will come out of EVERY evil situation that has come about this past year.  Not just in my own life but in my friends and family who are hurting as well. 

God I'm not even sure what to say right now.  My heart just feels so heavy.  Its as if the weight of all the stress of this past year is resting on my shoulders and as I'm about to let it go and step into the next chapter I realize just how draining its been.  Almost like a marathon runner I kept running and running without really realizing just how tired I am. 

I think another thing is this pregnancy is getting me to slow down and really realize that I can not do it all, and that is okay.  But it just isn't me.  I'm so used to keeping everything together: finances, house, groceries, work everything.  Giving 100% everywhere I go but now I just feel so drained and so tired.  And I know I need to listen to my body.  But as I don't feel as accomplished in other areas and I feel like a failure.  I know in part its because I'm a perfectionist but I'm just over it.  I just want to sit down and do nothing all the time.  I guess maybe it's my priorities are changing, I'm really not sure. 

God in this next year I want to run after you ever harder.  I want to seek after you 100%  I want to know before this child even comes how I can raise it the way you would want us to.  Lord I thank you for the blessings you have given us in 2014.  I thank you that my husband and I have grown closer.  We've learned that we truly can accomplish anything together.  I've realized how family must always come first, despite what sacrifices must come with that.  I have loved, I have lost but I am still whole.  I am still complete.  My life has meaning and purpose and I ask for you to help me to focus on those things.  Lord I ask for my friendships to deepen and be founded in you.  I ask that you would help me to look through every situation with your eyes and your understanding.  I ask that you would help me to be the wife, the mother, the daughter, the sister and friend that you would have me to be.  In your righteous name.  ~Amen

I encourage anyone who has dealt with stress or hardships in 2014 to listen to the song below.  Its beautiful!  

 

So Tired

So lately I have just been so tired.  I sleep about 9-10 hours a night but then still feel like I want a nap later during the day.  I have never believed that I was going to be this tired even into the second trimester.  But I do have to say I have been pretty productive.  Every day getting something ready/closer to being ready for the baby.  We ordered our corner office desk for the office so we can move it down into the computer room and tomorrow I plan on emptying one of the closets tomorrow and getting things started.  I can't wait to have that room cleaned out in order to start getting stuff together for the nursery.  I did decide either way we will paint the nursery a very light blue and then use decorations to either go for a girl or boy theme. 

I feel like I'm kind of  rambling so I'm going to go ahead and just stop while I'm ahead. 

14 weeks (A sigh of Relief)

We made it!  We are officially at 14 weeks.  I know technically last week I made it to trimester two but now I feel like it is official.  I feel like now I can let out a big sigh of relief.  We are also getting ideas together for the nursery.  That seems to be coming along really nicely.  I found a whole bunch of Alice and Wonderland themed ideas on Etsy. 

As to me I know you are supposed to get a nice bump of energy in trimester two but I have been so unbelievable tired.  I just want to nap every day.  But today I gave in and took that nap and it was so incredible.  I think I'll probably go ahead and give into that little nap whenever I feel like I can or need to.

I also got my thyroid results in today and it's looking good.  So everything is right where it needs to be.

I can't wait to find out what we are having but until then I'm just trying to enjoy the journey and take things day by day. 

Food Adversions

So this past week has been so strange. Since getting pregnant I haven't had any desire for sweets or some of the things I normally would eat.  Which I was absolutely fine with.  But lately I just can not stand meat.  I am okay with ground beef(tacos, bugers, spaghetti ect;) pretty much anything made with ground beef but nothing else.  I can't stand chicken, eggs or anything.  I try and eat it and just start gagging.  I made delicious chicken marsala the other night it tasted amazing but I couldn't bring myself to eat the chicken in it, though taste wise it tasted fine but the texture just grossed me out.  So I ended up just having the rice and sauce together and it was delicious.  But really strange.  Well it's been like this for the past week slowly building up but also getting worse.  This morning I made eggs for breakfast with some cheese in it started eating and almost through up in my plate as I sat there.  I just couldn't take the taste.  I guess baby is just being really picky.  I don't feel nauseous.  I don't feel sick its just certain foods I try and eat them and NOPE not gonna happen.  It would make me giggle if it didn't leave me hungry every few hours.  I bought a lamb leg roast for Christmas dinner I am going to try and cook and I'm praying I can eat it because it sounds really good.  In fact all the food has sounded really good but I just can't eat it when it's in front of me. 

In other news my family bought their tickets to come up for my baby shower!!!  I'm so excited!  I can't wait to have them here and just love on them so much.  I feel so incredibly blessed things are just moving so fast!  I can't believe I'm already 13.5 weeks.  I remember like it was yesterday looking back at all the hardships and trials and just wondering when I was going to have my turn.  And here we are.  It reminds me of Isaiah 45:2-5

I will go before you

and will level the mountains ;

I will break down gates of bronze

and cut through bars of iron.

I will give you hidden treasures,

riches stored in secret places,

so that you may know that I am the Lord,

the God of Israel, who summons you by name.

For the sake of Jacob my servant,

of Israel my chosen,

I summon you by name

and bestow on you a title of honor,

though you do not acknowledge me.

I am the Lord, and there is no other;

apart from me there is no God.

I will strengthen you

He brought us through all those hardships.  All those mountains.  All those stressful situations and times where we just didn't know if we could handle anything else.  

God thank you for bringing us to this place.  Thank you for your faithfulness and your grace.  Thank you that you have truly blessed us and provided for us.  Thank you that you will continue to open the doors that you want opened for us and close those you want closed.  Thank you Lord Jesus.  ~Amen

Great Deals

I have been trying to be as good a steward over our finances as I can.  Especially with a extra one coming I of course want to make sure we have everything we need but without breaking the bank and God has definitely blessed us.  I have a good friend who sold me her awesome pack and play for $30.

Then I have another friend who added me to the Facebook Market where you can buy and sell things for your kids or post exactly what your looking for.  Well I decided to post on there that we were in search of a dark cherry wood changing table since they run close to $100 I figured why not see if I can find one on here.  Well not only did I find a great one.  I got it for $35 with two mattress pads and three slip covers! 

So excited and so blessed! I have a co-worker who has given me a ton of stuff as well: another changing pad(so I'll be giving mine away)  a few toys and a dish washer cage for baby bottle stuff, a nursing pillow and a few other things.  Then I have a client who if giving me her infant swing that has been barely used. 

So I just feel really really blessed so far this pregnancy.  God has just really given me so much peace and joy despite all the hardships to get here and the hardships at the beginning. 

My friend who is throwing me the baby shower is going above and beyond!  She rented out a beautiful venue, has a TON of fun games/raffles planned and is just all around making me feel like a princess and I love her for it.  I never had anyone do something like this for me.  I didn't have a bridal shower or a bachelorette party just because everyone was out of town so to have someone go all out for me is just amazing.  So I have to say for you readers who have a facebook look and see if they have a market where you can find lots of goodies for your future nursery.   

13 weeks

So This week I am officially entering into the second trimester.  It's so exciting to be here.  Every night after I have been working or moving around I sit on the couch with Isaac and begin to feel the flutter's of life as the little one squirms around in the womb.  At first it was so light I couldn't really tell what I was feeling.  I was thinking maybe it was gas or something like that but over the past week and a half it's only gotten stronger and more noticeable every night.  Some nights the little nugget is a little more active than others and to be honest on those nights where he/she is not as active then I get on my guard and try make sure I'm paying attention so I can feel the movement.  And just like that whenever I am feeling nervous I'll feel it.  Almost like it senses I need to know it's alright in there so it will wiggle around for me. 

I had my 13 week check up today.  It went really well.  I got to hear the heartbeat for the first time.  It was beyond amazing.  I loved it.  She said everything was sounding perfect and it was looking like a happy/healthy little baby.   She wouldn't do another ultrasound and recommended pelvic rest until our anatomy/gender reveal ultrasound at 18 weeks.  So we will continue on this path I guess, though tough it will be worth it.  I lost a little more weight so in total I have only gained one pound which she said is right on track for what she wants.  This entire pregnancy she only wants me to gain 20-25 pounds total.  So I guess if things keep going the way they are then I'll be right on track. 

We scheduled our gender reveal ultrasound/anatomy scan for January 19th.  I am so excited to find out what we are having!  I have no preference still.  And I can't tell if it's because everyone is telling me they think I'm having a girl but I keep picturing a little girl's nursery.  But it could just be because I keep hearing that over and over again.  Either way I will be just so incredibly excited. 

The Midwives are saying I'm 13 weeks and 1 day and that my due date is June 22nd.   I still think it's the 23rd and we are one day off based on my ovulation day.  But at the same time I kind of like being one day ahead just because it puts me to holding my little miracle even sooner.  Even as I'm typing this I feel the little one just fluttering away in my uterus.  It makes me so incredibly happy.

In other news I also found a great find of a used changing table for only $35 and we bought a really nice pack in play from a friend of ours for $30.  So little by little we are getting the things we need.  I only want to get the really big things such as the crib, rocker, changing table and dresser before the baby shower.  I feel like everything else i can just wait till after.

As of the baby shower the plan is May 9th and I have a ton of family/friends both driving and flying in from out of town to visit/come for it so I'm requesting the week off so I can actually spend the week with everyone in town and enjoy the whole time. 

So as always on my weekly updates here is my 13 week update:

Stress Release

Tonight I just needed some quiet time.  Not that I haven't had time alone.  But when I've had time alone I haven't been able to get myself to really relax or enter into the presence of Jesus.  I've had a lot going on at work that is just really frustrating me.  I have so many things to think about with the baby coming.  But then to top it all off I'm just so incredibly tired all the time and baby brain has made it where I can not seem to function.  I can't find things I just located and my mind races constantly.  I needed to just veg.

So I took some candles, ran myself a bubble bath turned off all the lights put on some worship music and just relaxed.   It was beyond amazing.  It's as if I could feel the stress just seeping out of me.  It was so incredible.  As the worship began to play I tried to just take myself into a time of prayer but found I couldn't.  I didn't know how to pray for the things that were bothering me right now.  But then I realized it's okay.  It is not about our words, or even the actual requests we need but just about the heart and the things that God has for us.  And what He has for us every day is to just sit as His feet and feel loved, protected and at peace.  And that is exactly what happened and it was amazing. 

Thank you Jesus for this time of relaxation you have given to me.  I needed it more than I realized.  There is nothing like resting at your feet Lord.  And at your feet is where I want to be always even in the midst of chaos, stress and aggravation I want to allow your peace to rest upon me and help me to react in all ways like you would.  Thank you Heavenly Father.  ~Amen

On the baby front nothing really to new to report.  I lost almost two pounds this past week so now I've only gained 1.2 pounds so far this trimester.  Not really sure how that happened I've been eating three meals a day and forcing myself to snack.  But it might be WHAT I'm eating.  I'm eating a lot healthier and sweets just really don't appeal to me very much.  Either way they say you should only gain 1-5 pounds the first trimester so I guess that's a good thing. 

Today I officially turned 12 weeks.  I can't believe next week I'll finally be in trimester two!  That's just so exciting.  I think I've definitely started to feel little flutters from the baby.  It's very sporadic and still down towards my uterus/pelvic area but it will be like a really light brushing on the inside of my uterus.  It normally happens after I've been walking around at work all day then sit on the couch for the first time in a while to relax then after I sit there for a bit it will start off and on.  It's amazing.  I can't wait till I can feel actual kicks and defined movement. 

Here is a picture I took yesterday.  It looks so pointy here but I love it either way! 

 

Please excuse the mess on my dresser.