Tuesday, August 9, 2016

Victory within the storm

This morning I woke up to a temperature dip along with heavier spotting to where I can tell that full flow will be starting very soon.  So it wasn't a surprise to me when I got the call from the Midwives that my blood work did show pregnancy but that it wasn't looking like it was viable since the numbers where so low: Beta 6.1 and I took another HPT just to see it coincide together and it was negative so everything was working together to definitely confirm what I had a feeling on with the chemical pregnancy. 

How am I feeling?  To be honest I'm feeling just so grateful that I was able to get pregnant!  I feel beyond amazed that we were actually able to get pregnant on our own.  But I also feel like part of me expected for me to have a cp.  It was two years ago just one week apart we had gotten the positive HPT only to find that the BETA was going down and we had gotten the positive right when getting back from the beach.  So it is just all major de ja vu.  I did go buy some coq10 in order to help with some egg development maybe we will actually have a shot of getting pregnant again before the appointment in October.  Over all we are just so incredibly excited about thing normalizing for us.  That's it I wanted to give the update. 

Monday, August 8, 2016

I serve a God of Miracles

I am once again reminded that I serve a God of miracles.  Before we left to go on vacation I was talking to my boss telling her about how we scheduled with the Dr in October to try and go on fertility meds.  She looked at me and said who knows Devin maybe it will happen before then.  I shook my head and said no, no way.  I know for sure I need the fertility meds to be able to get pregnant again.  For me not to need them it would literally take a miracle.  I feel like God heard that and decided to show off a little bit:



Still very light, very early, well not very early I suppose but kind of.  I ovulated on July 25th we left for vacation the 29th on July 30th I began spotting, this is normal for me, I normally get AF just 3-4 days past ovulation.  So I wasn't surprised when on Sunday the 31st I began my period.  But it wasn't normal.  I was bleeding just off and on for 3 days.  Like it would 100% stop then all the sudden it would pick back up again.  My temp never went down so just overall I was very very confused.  I told Isaac if this is my period it was only 3 days and that's not normal for me but it's way too early for implantation bleeding.  So I took a pregnancy test and it was negative.  So I decided to continue enjoying the beech.  Continue charting and see what went on.  Well my temps never dropped, I began to get nauseous and heartburn....little things that I didn't really think was a big deal.  The nausea could be from sinus drainage I have the heartburn from all the junk food I was eating while on vacation because I've been doing so well.  Upon coming home I got really nauseous so much so that I ran into the bathroom feeling like I might throw up.  But then I though something is weird I'm going to take another test and low and behold a very very faint line showed up.  I yelled at Isaac downstairs to get up here that i think I'm making it up.  He came upstairs believing it was a practical joke.  When he saw it he was beyond amazed.  He prayed over us and began crying.  He was just so excited. 

This morning though I woke up with a little bit of spotting.  My temp is still up and the HPT is still positive and even a little darker then yesterday though not by much.  I can't say when my period is supposed to start since I normally would have gotten it by now, so I guess tomorrow since I'm 14 days past ovulation today. So I called the midwives to see if I can get a Beta test done asap and to check my progesterone to see if I need to be back on that, just waiting to hear back from them. 

Either way this is just such an incredible victory.  I was able to get pregnant on my own.  And even with the light spotting I must remind myself that I serve a God of miracles if he allowed this to happen then if he wants it to stay it will stay.  I can do absolutely nothing to help the situation.  So therefor I will surrender it all over to him.  He gave us a miracle, something I never thought was possible.  I got pregnant on my own.  With Ezekiel I bled and I bled a lot so I really have to just surrender to Him.

"God you see our hearts.  You see that we are amazed and blessed by your faithfulness.  You took my unmeant challenge and decided to show your awesome power.  God we surrender the outcome of this pregnancy to you.  You are in control of every single part of it.  Lord we know that you are good.  You are faithful always even when we are not.  So Lord we surrender everything over to you.  I ask for guidance and wisdom when it comes to this situation.  I ask for your blessing and guidance.  If you want this child to come into the world so let it be.  "Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me."  John 14:1  "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God" Philipians 4:6
 This is so much easier said than done.  God I ask that you would guide my heart and my hands in this Lord.  In your holy and matchless name I pray Lord. You gave us this miracle and you alone can sustain it.  I know your thoughts are higher than my own, your plans for us better than we could even come up with on our own.  So Lord we surrender to you in all things.  We give all over to you.  I thank you for your wisdom ~Amen.
As I type this the midwives MD called me back she is going to have me go in for a blood work Beta today and if the numbers are showing positive then back in on Wednesday to confirm viability or chemical.  So as soon as little guy works from his nap I will be heading out to go get the blood work done.  Which I hear him stirring so I'll be back later to finish. 

The beach was amazing