We have had an insanely busy month this past month. My period came and went so no pregnancy. That however turned out to be a blessing in disguise as I ate something(Blackrasberry icecream) and found out I am allergic to it. Broke out in hives, dealt with a little throat swelling and just overall horrible experience. Had to go on steroids in order to finally clear up and that in and of itself was a nightmare. I hate the way they made me feel. So our trying to get pregnant is on hold now then for a few months since if we were to get pregnant this month we'd have another baby born in June, I'd be flying down to Louisiana pregnant and a lot more de ja vu then I want to have. We wont prevent obviously but I"m going to take a break from the ovulation tests timed sex ect; Play by the old rule if it happens it happens.
Ezekiel is growing like a weed and its amazing to see his character come out. He is the sweetest little boy in the world; he is full of love, hugs and kisses for us. He really just melts my heart. Today I took him to a Play area in a local mall and just watched him run around and play and it struck me that two years ago I really didn't think I would ever be able to be here. I really wondered and questioned if we would in fact get pregnant. Yes I had the promises of God there and I was holding onto those but the doubts plagued me daily. And as I watched him today I was overcome with gratitude. Gratitude that God gave me an amazing son that is running around playing at toys turning around to smile at me and make sure I'm watching. And in that moment I truly realize how blessed I am. Yes I have known, and continue to know every single day but feel even more grateful then before.
I daily want to seek out new adventures with him. Let him explore and discover the world with me by his side to protect him while I can because one day sooner than I'd like he will spread his wings and not need me quite as much. Isaac made a joke the other day on only 15 more years till he can drive and my immediate response was Oh my gosh that's so soon!!! He just laughed at me but that's truly how I feel I feel like it all flies by so fast and that in a blink of an eye it will be gone. So I want to cherish every single moment of it. Cherish every second.
In two weeks we will be flying to visit my best friend and her new little one. I'm both nervous and excited about traveling with Ezekiel by myself. Thankfully he's such a chill baby I really do not foresee any issues but you never know. I'm just hoping with everything being so new he'll want to just stay by me and look around versus run around all over exploring. So we shall see how that goes.
Thursday, September 15, 2016
Thursday, September 1, 2016
Promises
It's been quite a while since I've had time to write. The month of August literally feels like it was nonstop. Let's see what are the highlights of this month?
~Ezekiel is now walking
~He has 9 teeth with a 10th on the way
~I bought tickets to go visit one of my best friends in Oklahoma who had her baby(I will be flying alone with Ezekiel and am a little nervous)
That about sums up August in the "events" category. But when it comes to beyond that I just feel like I'm entering a time of transition. I am not exactly sure what yet. Part of me wonders at it, is excited for it and the other part of me is nervous. Even though I don't know yet what it is I just feel it coming.
I'll be honest as I'm sure a lot of you readers can guess the biggest part of me is hoping its a new little one being added to the family. So far I have a lot of peace when it comes to that but I also feel like its even more than that. Like I feel like God is about to rock our world in a wonderful way but I'm not quite sure how. I can't explain this feeling but its there.
~~~Trigger Warning for all my readers dealing with infertility~~~And It's about to get spiritual~~~
Last month when I was in the process of loosing the pregnancy that we had miraculously obtained I sat back and just looked at everything. I looked at it all not with sadness but amazement. Here I had given up all hope of ever conceiving on my own without medical intervention. And yet even though it did not stay we received a miracle. I then felt, as I often have Not only God's presence but Nathan's. It's been a very long time since I have felt Nathan there with me. God then spoke to my heart saying that Nathan knows the calling that was placed on his life was unfilled and if we should choose to accept it the next child we have can have that mantel/calling placed upon them. If we choose not to accept it God will not withhold his blessing, but if we choose to accept it with that comes responsibilities. I then saw as clear as day a church service from my youth, a guest speaker was there praying over my mother. He told her: "Your youngest son will have the fire of God burning in his eyes. Demons shall quake in fear from the power of the Lord that manifests itself in him....."There was a lot more but that phrase always stuck out to me. I was then reminded when Nathan was just 4 years old He had been talking to my parents about spiritual gifts and what they entail. They got to speaking about the gift of speaking in tongues and Nathan was asking how he could get that gift. He then told my parents he had been seeing demons watching him when he was alone.(This is powerful stuff coming from a 4 year old but for me not surprising since I was little I was very open to that stuff as well and was able to see and understand things adult minds has since grown out of or closed to). They told him all he needed to do was ask and pray and God would protect him, I honestly don't think they even remember him talking to them about that, since I told them what he told me: I went to the bathroom and I was peeing and saw skulls and demons all staring at me so I prayed in tongues and they all went away!!!! He was so excited! He at 4 years old had not only received a spiritual gift his young mind had wanted but he had also expelled fear and demons. That is one very powerful mantel. So if we were to choose to accept this it would be our responsibility to not only raise this child(boy or girl) into a fine young human but at even a young age we will be responsible for them spiritually. Teaching them how to use the gifts that God has given them. How to grow...but also it will be our duty to fight for them spiritually always. This battle will not end. And yes I know we are always supposed to stand up pray and fight for our kids but this is a different battle. For those of you who have ever done true intersession you know what I am talking about it weighs on you, heavy and hard and it would always be there. This is the responsibility that comes with raising this world changer. So I talked to Isaac and wear re still praying about it. Believing we are getting pregnant as we speak but waiting for God to give us the strength and know how of what's to come if we do accept this mantel. In that time that God was speaking all this to my heart I could feel Nathan's blessing there. I know part of me wants to jump up and say yes this is it we will do it simply because it was Nathan's but the other part of me is reserved knowing this really is not a task to be taken lightly. I saw that mantel on that young 4 year old and I saw what happened when he didn't know how to use it or fight it.
God I ask for you to continue to place on Isaac and I's heart the correct way to go with this. I know you have truly given us the choice and with that choice comes sacrifice. I am so honored that you feel we ourselves can do it, I'm sure Nathan helped you with that one. But Lord let us not take this decision lightly. Help us to continue to seek after you in this and to truly understand what that sacrifice means. We praise you for it Lord. ~Amen
Whew yes I know that got really deep but I feel like two things come from that: One God is giving us another child. Two- they will be a world changer
I'm currently about 7 days past ovulation and have the same exact thing happening as happened last time, I started bleeding heavy on and off where when its bleeding its like faucet has been switched on but will all the sudden stop. This started yesterday and today seems to be tapering off. Last time it was 3 days so I'm praying this might be implantation bleeding again. I seem to get that with each of the 3 pregnancies I have. Wow 3 pregnancies and only one baby so far. But I have peace beyond measure that if I get pregnant this time that God's hand will be on it just like He was for Ezekiel. I can't explain it but I just know that he sees us, sees what we are doing and is going to bless us!
~Ezekiel is now walking
~He has 9 teeth with a 10th on the way
~I bought tickets to go visit one of my best friends in Oklahoma who had her baby(I will be flying alone with Ezekiel and am a little nervous)
That about sums up August in the "events" category. But when it comes to beyond that I just feel like I'm entering a time of transition. I am not exactly sure what yet. Part of me wonders at it, is excited for it and the other part of me is nervous. Even though I don't know yet what it is I just feel it coming.
I'll be honest as I'm sure a lot of you readers can guess the biggest part of me is hoping its a new little one being added to the family. So far I have a lot of peace when it comes to that but I also feel like its even more than that. Like I feel like God is about to rock our world in a wonderful way but I'm not quite sure how. I can't explain this feeling but its there.
~~~Trigger Warning for all my readers dealing with infertility~~~And It's about to get spiritual~~~
Last month when I was in the process of loosing the pregnancy that we had miraculously obtained I sat back and just looked at everything. I looked at it all not with sadness but amazement. Here I had given up all hope of ever conceiving on my own without medical intervention. And yet even though it did not stay we received a miracle. I then felt, as I often have Not only God's presence but Nathan's. It's been a very long time since I have felt Nathan there with me. God then spoke to my heart saying that Nathan knows the calling that was placed on his life was unfilled and if we should choose to accept it the next child we have can have that mantel/calling placed upon them. If we choose not to accept it God will not withhold his blessing, but if we choose to accept it with that comes responsibilities. I then saw as clear as day a church service from my youth, a guest speaker was there praying over my mother. He told her: "Your youngest son will have the fire of God burning in his eyes. Demons shall quake in fear from the power of the Lord that manifests itself in him....."There was a lot more but that phrase always stuck out to me. I was then reminded when Nathan was just 4 years old He had been talking to my parents about spiritual gifts and what they entail. They got to speaking about the gift of speaking in tongues and Nathan was asking how he could get that gift. He then told my parents he had been seeing demons watching him when he was alone.(This is powerful stuff coming from a 4 year old but for me not surprising since I was little I was very open to that stuff as well and was able to see and understand things adult minds has since grown out of or closed to). They told him all he needed to do was ask and pray and God would protect him, I honestly don't think they even remember him talking to them about that, since I told them what he told me: I went to the bathroom and I was peeing and saw skulls and demons all staring at me so I prayed in tongues and they all went away!!!! He was so excited! He at 4 years old had not only received a spiritual gift his young mind had wanted but he had also expelled fear and demons. That is one very powerful mantel. So if we were to choose to accept this it would be our responsibility to not only raise this child(boy or girl) into a fine young human but at even a young age we will be responsible for them spiritually. Teaching them how to use the gifts that God has given them. How to grow...but also it will be our duty to fight for them spiritually always. This battle will not end. And yes I know we are always supposed to stand up pray and fight for our kids but this is a different battle. For those of you who have ever done true intersession you know what I am talking about it weighs on you, heavy and hard and it would always be there. This is the responsibility that comes with raising this world changer. So I talked to Isaac and wear re still praying about it. Believing we are getting pregnant as we speak but waiting for God to give us the strength and know how of what's to come if we do accept this mantel. In that time that God was speaking all this to my heart I could feel Nathan's blessing there. I know part of me wants to jump up and say yes this is it we will do it simply because it was Nathan's but the other part of me is reserved knowing this really is not a task to be taken lightly. I saw that mantel on that young 4 year old and I saw what happened when he didn't know how to use it or fight it.
God I ask for you to continue to place on Isaac and I's heart the correct way to go with this. I know you have truly given us the choice and with that choice comes sacrifice. I am so honored that you feel we ourselves can do it, I'm sure Nathan helped you with that one. But Lord let us not take this decision lightly. Help us to continue to seek after you in this and to truly understand what that sacrifice means. We praise you for it Lord. ~Amen
Whew yes I know that got really deep but I feel like two things come from that: One God is giving us another child. Two- they will be a world changer
I'm currently about 7 days past ovulation and have the same exact thing happening as happened last time, I started bleeding heavy on and off where when its bleeding its like faucet has been switched on but will all the sudden stop. This started yesterday and today seems to be tapering off. Last time it was 3 days so I'm praying this might be implantation bleeding again. I seem to get that with each of the 3 pregnancies I have. Wow 3 pregnancies and only one baby so far. But I have peace beyond measure that if I get pregnant this time that God's hand will be on it just like He was for Ezekiel. I can't explain it but I just know that he sees us, sees what we are doing and is going to bless us!
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