I think this post is going to be all over the place....I've been getting so incredibly frustrated the past few days. Actually ever since I found out I'm going to have to go and get on Thyroid medications it's been a up and down emotional roller coaster. I think the main key is I am just so frustrated because I want tings fixed now and moving forward and I have to wait. We decided to hold off on trying to get pregnant until we have this situation under control, obviously if it happens then we will be thrilled but we aren't going to feel stressed about it. I'm not thinking its going to happen since I haven't been ovulating anyway right now.
But one of the weird things is I will literally just start crying at the drop of a hat. I have been getting the dizzy spells more frequently, and after talking with other's who have thyroid issues all of this has to do with hypothyroidism and how my hormones are out of wack.
On the good side of things our insurance plan isn't actually going to change at all just our group number and id number since its from a new work place. So on Tuesday I will be making lots of phone calls to the Dr's office to se up my endocrinologist visit.
Yesterday I talked with my manager to tell her that I had to make an appointment and since its such a long wait list if they will be willing to move my schedule around so I can get in asap. She was super understanding and as it turns out she herself has hyperthyroidism the opposite of what I have. She asked me my lab numbers and did indeed confirmed that I have hypothyroidism. She was able to calm me down and speak about how very easy it is to get under control and just made me feel a lot better.
I also joined a support group on babycenter.com for women who are trying to conceive who have thyroid problems. I posted my numbers and symptoms and all of them said yes its definitely hypothyroidism. As to the how quickly to get it under control its been different for each woman but looking about a few months.
At this point I am just praying that God would give me peace and help me to have it continually throughout the day and not up and down up and down.
I think another thing is I'm trying so hard to just stay positive for Isaac, not only is he so worried about me, even though we know its an easy fix. He sees me get dizzy he sees me tired and he knows that I'm stressed. But now we have to wait to get pregnant witch makes it even harder for us.
He is just so good. He is so strong for me and when he puts his arms around me and prays for me I know everything is going to be ok no matter what. So I just try and keep a hold of these emotions and just take it one step at a time.
So the first step is call the insurance company and the dr on Tuesday and get my appointments set up. It will all work out.
Saturday, August 31, 2013
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
Day by Day
Mathew 6:34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
I just keep trying to tell myself this. Step by Step and day by day. It reminds me of the age old question: "How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time."
Today is a good day, today is a day I feel like I am slowly making strides in this seemingly never ending challenge to start a family.
Yesterday I got a phone call from my doctor. She had a chance to personally review my blood work and go over the other symptoms I had listed. She said she normally would have a retest done in 6 months since only one of the two thyroid tests done where flagged but some of my symptoms I have point to hypothyroidism and since I believe this is indeed the reason I am not getting pregnant the she will have me go see and endocrinologist to have my Thyroid checked along with having me schedule with an obgyn to go over my anovulatory cycles and other symptoms. I'm not sure where this will lead but at least I am making strides in the right direction. But now is just a waiting game for being able to get in to said appointment, I wont be able to go see either until October. But she said if I happen to get pregnant in between now and then to call her asap cause she will want to keep an eye on my thyroid levels till I can get in to see the endocrinologist. But I have a feeling that's not going to be happening since that's most likely what has been keeping me from getting pregnant anyway.
I know that God sees the big picture, and I feel good knowing that I have a game plan. If all this works out then maybe everything else will fall into place super soon. And If I do in fact have a thyroid problem it will explain a lot of things I've been struggling with and maybe help me lose some weight and get healthy and of course help me actually ovulate.
I was really blessed and excited by the doctor taking time to really listen to me. She even told me if at any point I have any questions or need anything else to call her.
So I feel good. Today at least. I'm just trusting and believe that everything happens for a reason and every cloud does indeed have a silver lining. Until then I will try to enjoy life, enjoy the journey and just continue to trust and believe that it will happen.
I know it might seem a little strange but knowing it's possibly my thyroid and possibly not an ovary/feminine problem makes me feel so much better and less like a failure. I know in the end it's not something I can control either way but it gives me an excuse and I will gladly take it.
At least I have lots of exciting things to look forward to, in just a few weeks I will be traveling to New York city with my Mom for a wonderful few days.
Until next time
I just keep trying to tell myself this. Step by Step and day by day. It reminds me of the age old question: "How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time."
Today is a good day, today is a day I feel like I am slowly making strides in this seemingly never ending challenge to start a family.
Yesterday I got a phone call from my doctor. She had a chance to personally review my blood work and go over the other symptoms I had listed. She said she normally would have a retest done in 6 months since only one of the two thyroid tests done where flagged but some of my symptoms I have point to hypothyroidism and since I believe this is indeed the reason I am not getting pregnant the she will have me go see and endocrinologist to have my Thyroid checked along with having me schedule with an obgyn to go over my anovulatory cycles and other symptoms. I'm not sure where this will lead but at least I am making strides in the right direction. But now is just a waiting game for being able to get in to said appointment, I wont be able to go see either until October. But she said if I happen to get pregnant in between now and then to call her asap cause she will want to keep an eye on my thyroid levels till I can get in to see the endocrinologist. But I have a feeling that's not going to be happening since that's most likely what has been keeping me from getting pregnant anyway.
I know that God sees the big picture, and I feel good knowing that I have a game plan. If all this works out then maybe everything else will fall into place super soon. And If I do in fact have a thyroid problem it will explain a lot of things I've been struggling with and maybe help me lose some weight and get healthy and of course help me actually ovulate.
I was really blessed and excited by the doctor taking time to really listen to me. She even told me if at any point I have any questions or need anything else to call her.
So I feel good. Today at least. I'm just trusting and believe that everything happens for a reason and every cloud does indeed have a silver lining. Until then I will try to enjoy life, enjoy the journey and just continue to trust and believe that it will happen.
I know it might seem a little strange but knowing it's possibly my thyroid and possibly not an ovary/feminine problem makes me feel so much better and less like a failure. I know in the end it's not something I can control either way but it gives me an excuse and I will gladly take it.
At least I have lots of exciting things to look forward to, in just a few weeks I will be traveling to New York city with my Mom for a wonderful few days.
Until next time
Monday, August 26, 2013
Emotional Roller coaster
So today has just been a whirl wind of ups and downs. I heard back from the DRs office about the blood work, it looks like we may have to do more tests, it appears my thyroid may have a problem but the two different tests they ran one came back flagged the other normal. So they want me to wait 6 months and retest....Not happening. Especially not if this is what is possibly linking to the fertility problems. They said they may be able to run a secondary thyroid test.
Its so weird how just the littlest thing can set you off into the emotional roller coaster. You see a baby at a restaurant and laugh at the way they smile at you and then start getting teary eyed because you can't wait to have one of your own.
Last night my husband and I had a really good emotional but yet connecting talk. I told him exactly how I felt and am feeling...but the problem is its a daily struggle. Some days I'm completely fine with absolutely nothing bringing me down and other days I'm frustrated more at my own emotions than anything else, depressed, angry you name it.
But Today I feel good that I may finally be getting answers or at least taking the steps to get answers. All I can think of right now is that No Obstacle is bigger than God and that everything works out in the end.
Romans 8:28 KJV
Its so weird how just the littlest thing can set you off into the emotional roller coaster. You see a baby at a restaurant and laugh at the way they smile at you and then start getting teary eyed because you can't wait to have one of your own.
Last night my husband and I had a really good emotional but yet connecting talk. I told him exactly how I felt and am feeling...but the problem is its a daily struggle. Some days I'm completely fine with absolutely nothing bringing me down and other days I'm frustrated more at my own emotions than anything else, depressed, angry you name it.
But Today I feel good that I may finally be getting answers or at least taking the steps to get answers. All I can think of right now is that No Obstacle is bigger than God and that everything works out in the end.
Romans 8:28 KJV
28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
I just have to keep reminding myself of this. I do feel so glad to finally taking steps to make something happen. I would just rather know if something is off and needs to be fixed rather than guessing.
I suppose Time will Tell
I just have to keep reminding myself of this. I do feel so glad to finally taking steps to make something happen. I would just rather know if something is off and needs to be fixed rather than guessing.
I suppose Time will Tell
Sunday, August 25, 2013
An outlet for those trying to get pregnant and struggling.
Well I guess the main course of introduction is as follows. I'm so very tired of trying to pretend I'm okay when I'm not. I figured a blog might be a good start to letting out my emotions of a crazy journey right now. And hopefully get me in touch with some others in the same journey. To laugh together to cry together maybe even just for myself. I'm really not sure how to do this but I figured now was as good a time as any to start. I've always found that when I write something down I can actually be honest. I'm a very positive bubbly person (or at least that's what I'm told over and over again) So when life hands me lemons I normally just make lemonade but sometimes that isn't enough. Sometimes you just want so badly to take that freakin lemon and chuck it as hard as you can right back at life's face.
If you haven't guessed now from the title of the post A lot of this blog is going to be about the incredibly awful emotional roller coaster of trying to conceive. With all the ups and downs I truly believe that God works every single thing out for His glory and for the benefit of His children. But sometimes it just gets so very hard to see it. So I plan on this blog being a few things: An outlet for my current emotions, along with just some great overall ideas and sharings of life in general. I pray that my current problems won't be here forever but I would like to create a place where other readers struggling with the same can come and feel encouraged.
So that being said here we go with my back story:(warning it will be long and detailed)
So this month made it a year that my husband and I have tried and failed to start a family. Through this year we have definitely grown closer thank the Lord, I know for some couples this can have the opposite effect. From the beginning my husband and I have bought the ovulation kits and no luck. So recently a friend of mine allowed me to borrow her book Taking Charge of Your Fertility. So I am now on month four of charting and have discovered I have not only anovulatory cycles even though I got positives on the ovulation kits, my body just isn't getting quite enough progesterone to trigger ovulation. Id have all the symptoms I was going to then nothing. So on the months I have ovulated*the past two I have had extrememly short Luteal phases on the month only 3 days this past month and only 5 days last month. I have to say I'm excited to even see the temperature shift though because it means I'm actually ovulating now*I've been taking Vitex 3x a day* But also so incredibly frustrated that the luteal phase is impossibly short.
I recently, this past Thursday in fact took the plunge to go see a doctor, not a obgyn, not yet. But just a standard general practitioner. I explained I wanted my thyroid checked. Due to certain symptoms including some of the infertility issues I want to see if maybe that's all it is.
I know some of you readers are thinking, why don't you just go see an obgyn, get their opinion. Well for some of you readers on the other side of the spectrum you know it's not quite as simple as just saying ok let's go. There are so many emotions involved. I don't want to admit that I can not get pregnant on my own. I can't do what thousands of women do every year. I can not conceive. So I look into natural remedies, Vitex vitamins to extend the Luteal phase, getting checked out by a regular DR to see if maybe it's my thyroid and not my ovaries.
I try and tell myself every day that it will happen in God's timing but the truth is I am so very tired of God's timing. It use to be that I had good days and bad days. But it seems lately that bad days just seem to be getting more frequent and more frustrating.
You get so tired of having your friends, coworkers or family members asking "So when are you gonna have kids?" It's gotten to a point now I just have to tell them to please stop asking me because I've been trying and am having problems and their constant questions are really frustrating. So finally no one asks anymore, but you know every time they see you they are thinking: I wonder if she's pregnant yet, I wonder if she's really ok.
The answer to that is yes and no. Some days, most days I am ok. But then there are those days you are just tired of making Lemonade.
I get so angry when I see these young girls who get pregnant have a baby then leave it to their parents to raise them while they go off and finish high school. Or to see unfit parents and their horrific stories pop up on the news. It just makes you want to scream.
Why is it that those who shouldn't be able to have children are the ones that seem to have them? Then there is again the other side of the spectrum, close friends, acquaintances, co workers and family members who share with you the wonderfully exciting news with you that they are pregnant. You really are so incredibly happy for them but inside you are also just so jealous. So hurt that you can't be the one sharing that news.
I feel that life really is a journey and maybe God has other plans for us. My husband and I have always wanted to adopt, we actually plan to adopt even if we have our own children. Our lifelong goal is to one day open an orphanage in Africa.
So part of me says well maybe that's why, maybe God has other plans, and you know what maybe he does but it really doesn't make the journey or dissapointment any easier.
I want to be able to experience the wonderful miracle of growing a human being inside of me. I want to be able to look at my husband and say your going to be a Daddy! I want to stop hurting, I want to stop my husband's hurting.
It's not an easy thing to look at the love of your life and tell them...I'm sorry I failed again. Now no he doesn't feel like I failed. But I do. I feel that every month I have to tell him no again a little bit of him breaks inside.
So for now here it is the general story. The feelings that I have. The feelings that I need so badly to vent in regards to my journey to get pregnant...I'm going to try and post here. I know in my heart of hearts that it will happen one day. I can say though I am just so incredibly tired of the wait.
If you haven't guessed now from the title of the post A lot of this blog is going to be about the incredibly awful emotional roller coaster of trying to conceive. With all the ups and downs I truly believe that God works every single thing out for His glory and for the benefit of His children. But sometimes it just gets so very hard to see it. So I plan on this blog being a few things: An outlet for my current emotions, along with just some great overall ideas and sharings of life in general. I pray that my current problems won't be here forever but I would like to create a place where other readers struggling with the same can come and feel encouraged.
So that being said here we go with my back story:(warning it will be long and detailed)
So this month made it a year that my husband and I have tried and failed to start a family. Through this year we have definitely grown closer thank the Lord, I know for some couples this can have the opposite effect. From the beginning my husband and I have bought the ovulation kits and no luck. So recently a friend of mine allowed me to borrow her book Taking Charge of Your Fertility. So I am now on month four of charting and have discovered I have not only anovulatory cycles even though I got positives on the ovulation kits, my body just isn't getting quite enough progesterone to trigger ovulation. Id have all the symptoms I was going to then nothing. So on the months I have ovulated*the past two I have had extrememly short Luteal phases on the month only 3 days this past month and only 5 days last month. I have to say I'm excited to even see the temperature shift though because it means I'm actually ovulating now*I've been taking Vitex 3x a day* But also so incredibly frustrated that the luteal phase is impossibly short.
I recently, this past Thursday in fact took the plunge to go see a doctor, not a obgyn, not yet. But just a standard general practitioner. I explained I wanted my thyroid checked. Due to certain symptoms including some of the infertility issues I want to see if maybe that's all it is.
I know some of you readers are thinking, why don't you just go see an obgyn, get their opinion. Well for some of you readers on the other side of the spectrum you know it's not quite as simple as just saying ok let's go. There are so many emotions involved. I don't want to admit that I can not get pregnant on my own. I can't do what thousands of women do every year. I can not conceive. So I look into natural remedies, Vitex vitamins to extend the Luteal phase, getting checked out by a regular DR to see if maybe it's my thyroid and not my ovaries.
I try and tell myself every day that it will happen in God's timing but the truth is I am so very tired of God's timing. It use to be that I had good days and bad days. But it seems lately that bad days just seem to be getting more frequent and more frustrating.
You get so tired of having your friends, coworkers or family members asking "So when are you gonna have kids?" It's gotten to a point now I just have to tell them to please stop asking me because I've been trying and am having problems and their constant questions are really frustrating. So finally no one asks anymore, but you know every time they see you they are thinking: I wonder if she's pregnant yet, I wonder if she's really ok.
The answer to that is yes and no. Some days, most days I am ok. But then there are those days you are just tired of making Lemonade.
I get so angry when I see these young girls who get pregnant have a baby then leave it to their parents to raise them while they go off and finish high school. Or to see unfit parents and their horrific stories pop up on the news. It just makes you want to scream.
Why is it that those who shouldn't be able to have children are the ones that seem to have them? Then there is again the other side of the spectrum, close friends, acquaintances, co workers and family members who share with you the wonderfully exciting news with you that they are pregnant. You really are so incredibly happy for them but inside you are also just so jealous. So hurt that you can't be the one sharing that news.
I feel that life really is a journey and maybe God has other plans for us. My husband and I have always wanted to adopt, we actually plan to adopt even if we have our own children. Our lifelong goal is to one day open an orphanage in Africa.
So part of me says well maybe that's why, maybe God has other plans, and you know what maybe he does but it really doesn't make the journey or dissapointment any easier.
I want to be able to experience the wonderful miracle of growing a human being inside of me. I want to be able to look at my husband and say your going to be a Daddy! I want to stop hurting, I want to stop my husband's hurting.
It's not an easy thing to look at the love of your life and tell them...I'm sorry I failed again. Now no he doesn't feel like I failed. But I do. I feel that every month I have to tell him no again a little bit of him breaks inside.
So for now here it is the general story. The feelings that I have. The feelings that I need so badly to vent in regards to my journey to get pregnant...I'm going to try and post here. I know in my heart of hearts that it will happen one day. I can say though I am just so incredibly tired of the wait.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)