The past few days have been extremely insightful for me.  I wont say that this is where I will be forever but with where we are right this moment I feel like I had another confirmation on what I feel we are supposed to do right now in regards to a family.

We met another amazing couple who lives just a few miles down the road from us and are going along this same journey too.  They are also with the same agency we are with and overall have a very similar journey to us.  But they found out they are expecting a miracle baby and are 12 weeks along.  That being said neither of us had any idea but our agency has a policy that if you become pregnant they want you to wait till the baby is 6 months old before you continue into the matching process.  This is to ensure that the children are able to get your attention and to allow you to rest and be able to give all you can to the children coming into your home.

When she shared this with me I immediatly began to stress.  And I mean the thought of even being pregnant scared me.  What if we had timed sex wrong.  What if we got our miracle baby and then ended up having to put things on hold to be able to adopt.  All these thoughts and emotions coming to mind.  It made me realize that I really know this is what God wants us to do right now and I just need to trust in Him.  If for some reason I ended up getting pregnant that in and of itself would be a miracle so I will know that He is in control.  But when my period did come I felt such relief that I know we need to prevent every time until we are placed with our children.  Adoption is my heart right now.  I keep seeing older children out in public and I can't help but smile and begin talking with Isaac or whomever I am with about having them enter our home.  Things we can do.  Traditions we can start. 

Then today at Church my friend was there with her amazingly adorable 4 week old and she began talking about how she isn't getting any sleep and How she is exhausted and I just remembered how hard it really is with a newborn.  How it really is so worth it but at the same time so much more work then my little explorer who is out in the world.  But then I thought of the baby snuggles.  Of the amazement of watching them grow learn and letting their personalities come out.  I'm not ready and definitely do not want to be pregnant right now.  I want to adopt my older children and as many as I can.  But maybe I will feel differently one day.  But until then I will embrace where I am.  I will love others where they are.  I will follow the path God calls me to.