Flying By

All the days seem to mush together.  Child birth is definitely a lot on your body.  Sleeping whenever I can has really mushed all the days together.  But I'm learning to interpret Ezekiel's cries, which is making it easier to know if he's just grunting in his sleep and doesn't need to actually be fed or if he's waking up and getting hungry.  So last night was a wonderful sleep night for us:  He slept for 2 hours woke up to get fed then went back to sleep for 4 hours then after the next feeding woke up for another 3 hours.  So I felt so much better today than any of the other day's.  Lately I had been suffering from headaches and even a migraine, something I hadn't had in quite a while.  But so far it just seems like everything is flying by. 

Unfortunately I also have developed a uti.  So uncomfortable and not exactly something I want to be dealing with when I have all this other adjustments to make. 

We also have my sister here now and it has been so nice to visit with her.  Isaac's family also came this weekend in order to meet the little guy and get some family time in. 

I know I'm just rambling today I feel like my mind is going all sorts of different places.  But in other news my sister and I went ahead and did newborn pictures of Ezekiel.  You'll recognize that blanket in the first one.  It's just so precious to me! 

Adjusting So well

Last night Ezekiel slept 3 different 3 hour stretches in a row only waking to eat, and for two of those because I forced him too.  My supply is definitely over abundant I've had to pump a few times today just to get relief as my breasts became hard as rocks and were hurting and I refuse to allow myself to get mastitis.

Ezekiel has stolen our hearts and we are so very much in love.  Yesterday we took him to his first pediatrician appointment where they said he looks perfect.  He is now 6 pounds 13 ounces, two ounces up from his hospital release date so that is wonderful my little man is gaining weight.  We will be heading back to them on Thursday in order to do a second weight check just to make sure that he is continuing to gain.

After we left the pediatrician appointment we went out on our first family outing to go get icecream and then we went to babies R us to grab a few things we need.  First of all who on earth ever said don't buy a bunch of newborn diapers they grow out of them so quick.  I'm sure they do but with the amount this kid has been peeing and pooping we are gonna have  to go buy more, now granted we only had 2 packs but still its not even been a week and we opened up a new pack.  Though now that he's done pooping the meconium I noticed his poop has become less frequent.  Man He pooped all the time in the hospital.  He's our little champion through and through.  But while we were out he didn't make a peep he was just so calm and relaxed and peaceful it was so nice.  

I love watching Isaac with the baby.  He is just so loving and caring and so gentle it melts your heart.  He also handles him like he's a super delicate piece of glass that if even the wind blows a certain way it might break.  He is definitely getting more comfortable.  We have him sleeping on his side of the crib in order to 1-keep me from constantly checking on the baby 2-allow him to be able to feel more at peace, since he wants to check on him too.  It makes me laugh at ourselves.

Funny story for the day- Isaac hasn't changed a single diaper yet today so I asked him to check the baby since it had been a while...well no poo but he had peed so he went to change him. Got him all swirled up with his vaseline and he pees all over himself, Isaac and the changing pad.  So Isaac takes the clothes off and the diaper and the changing pad blanket and he was about to use and starts going for another one Ezekiel poops all over the place.  So he had to go for another diaper.

So now for the transition:

Adusting to home

Yesterday we were finally able to come home, though way later than we wanted.  But upon getting home we were just able to get everything situated as it should be.  I have to say our first night was not as much as a success as I would have wished it to be, as in we were up at least every hour.  But having Isaac there helped so much.  If I had just fed him he got up and just held him.  Seems like our little man most definitely likes to be held.  Anytime he isn't being held or in the swing he wakes up and screams.  I know they call this the 10th month since they go for 9 months in the womb listening to your heart beat feeling you breathe but i have to admit I love doing skin to skin and holding onto my beautiful little man. 

Breastfeeding is going amazingly thank God!  My milk actually came in yesterday while I was still in the hospital and has since then just gotten so full that i actually had to pump today because they became so full it started pouring out of me...and not even just a little leak but pouring in drips so I pumped and not even enough to empty it since he was due to eat soon and I pumped 3 ounces.  But that being said I think its special that I have a bag of milk with today's date on it.  For today Isaac and I have been married for 6 years and it's father's day.  Just so perfect.

I know I have been running on adrenaline since the birth and have felt really good moving around, not in a ton of pain ect; but today around 4 pm it was like I was suddenly hit by a buss.  I hurt everywhere and suddenly can tell I definitely had the birth experience I had.  But I am just so incredibly happy.  Every time I think about how amazing my life is right now I just start to cry.  We go in tomorrow for his first pediatric weight check up and they'll also check on his circumcision.  So for now here is your daily dose of cuteness.  Little man is 4 days old:

My Birth Story

So I wanted to post this while it was fresh in my mind.  On June 18th at 9:20 am  19 and 1/4 inch long 7 pounds 3 oz we welcomed Ezekiel into the world.  This was not an easy journey and did not go at all like I had planned.  But in the end it turned out beautifully though very hard.  It also worked out perfect that my Mom was already due to fly in at 10pm that night so she ended up making the birth!  Something I am so grateful for!

But first meet my little angel:

So here is my birth story:

It started at 4:45 am on Wednesday June 17th when I rolled over in bed to go to the bathroom I felt a big bob.  At first I though Ezekiel just punched me but when I stood up I had a huge gush of fluid.  I ran to the bathroom and as I ran my water continued to gush out in little spurts.  I yelled out to Isaac to wake up that my water just broke.  He immediately woke up and said I just had a dream your water broke!  It was like it was meant to be.  So we got up called the midwives who said for us to be there within 2 hours because of the fact that I had tested positive for strep B they would want to put me on penicilin as soon as possible to make sure he got enough doses.

So We got up had breakfast and then headed to the hospital.  Upon arrival they did a test that confirmed my water had indeed broken. I was measuring 3 cm dilated -1 station and about 70-75% effaced already.  This was all at 7 am.  So we got checked in got to a room and began walking the room, jumped in the shower and began getting contractions, though nothing that was super strong.  Though they were regular.  At 3:30 pm they checked me again and I was 7 cm dilated, 90% effaced 0 station.  So it looked like things were progressing really nicely.  I was able to use my hypnobabies to zone out and still smile after each contraction.  But then beginning around 9/10 pm things came to a terrifying stall.  I began having super hard regular contractions lasting about 2 minutes each and then coming in 1-2 minute intervals.  But instead of being able to rest in between the contractions I began vomiting profusely.  I would vomit until I couldn't breathe then another contraction would hit.  It would not stop.  Even though there was nothing in my stomach.  I also began to experience extreme back pain, pressure and back contractions.  but because I was not getting any relief I could not focus or zone out on the hypnobabies.  I began to shake uncontrollable so everyone believed I was in transition and that the baby was near.  So they called the midwife in to look and very disappointingly I was exactly the same.  From 3:30 pm till 11:30 pm I had not changed one single bit.  She was a little confused by this but after feeling around she felt the Ezekiel was sunny side up(face up) instead of having his back on the side or in position.  His spine was on my spine which was causing the extreme pain and she believed making it so I couldn't progress.  During this entire process I was having insane contractions, vomiting and was exhausted.  I had already been in active labor for 18 hours.  But we decided to continue on.  We would wait until 12 am and check again and see if there was any progress that had been made.  Well nothing changed.  During those two hours I continued to vomit extremely hard without a break in between my 1-2 minute intervals.  It got to a point I felt I couldn't even stand I was so weak.  So we called the midwife in to see where we were at because I knew that if things didn't or hadn't changed there was no way I could continue.  I couldn't breathe, I was getting dizzy and tingly all over and just felt so weak.  So she came in to check me and again I was exactly the same!  From 3:30 pm till 12 am  I had not progressed one single bit.  She asked what I would like to do and through the vomiting, shaking and contractions I told her I needed an epidural that there was no way I could continue.  I couldn't breathe I couldn't rest I was shaking uncontrollably and in so much pain.  So within 30 min they had the anesthesiologist in there to administer the epidural.  I felt immediate relief and was able to sleep off and on for a few hours while they had me laying on my side with a peanut ball in order to try and get Ezekiel to turn.  At 6am on June 18th the hospital shifts changes took place and I was introduced to my new midwife...by this time I had gone through 2 different teams/shifts and was about to be joined by the 3rd which ironically enough was the one who took my call the day before when I told her my labor had broken, but we got there after her shift.   I had now already been in active labor for 25 hours.  Though since getting the epidural I had been able to rest for at least  a few of them.  The new midwife came in and checked me and low and behold I was fully dilated, 100% effaced and Ezekiel's head was right there.  During all of this the epidural was amazing I did not feel almost 100% of the contractions.  I would feel some pressure but not the severe back pain I was having before.  So she said as soon as she got the nurse who was on with her for the day we would go ahead and start pushing.  So at around 7:30 am we began that journey of pushing.  But Ezekiel was still sunny side up and I began to tear straight up in a line towards my clitoris.  She made me stop and said Devin I don't believe in episotamy.  I only have ever done one because I think natural tearing is so much better.  But you are about to tear all the way up straight through your clitoris and he is still sunny side up so if I don't do one this will get really bad and messy.  So I told her to do it.  So she cut me on both sides(which I did not feel at all from the epidural) and in just a few more pushes He was out in my arms!  Only about 2 hours of pushing and I was holding my baby boy.  So then came the time to deliver the placenta which as she was adding pressure to my stomach and trying to get things to move along there was a pop she said "Shoot your going to hate me!"  I said it broke in half didn't it.  She said yes it did.  I am going to have to call Dr ___ to come in who had to stick his arm up inside my uterus and use his hand to scrape out the rest of the placenta.  That was pretty painful.  He went around twice and said he's pretty sure he got it all.  I said could you please go back through one more time to make sure you got it all.  So he did and he said we are all clear.  Then after that they put me on a final dose of penicillin  but my iv had pulled out of the vein and my entire arm swelled up and turned a deep purple.  It's been over 24 hours and the slight swelling is still there.  But all in all I would say as hard as everything was it was worth every second.

Breast feeding has been going really well.  Little man is peeing and pooping like a champ.  It's amazing how much love you can have for something so quickly.  He is absolutely perfect.  please forgive any typos or anything that just in general doesn't make sense.  Here at the hospital they not only check my vitals/bleeding and stomach, since I had the retained placenta every couple hours they also come in to check him separately, of course we can't do it on the same schedule so lack of sleep already is a very real thing. 

My water just broke!

Yep,  my water just broke.   Heading to the hospital now :-) so excited

Complete Nesting

First of all I would like to brag from the roof tops that I slept from 10:30 last night till 9 am this morning!  It was AMAZING!!!  Especially after being so sick the past two weeks with constantly throwing up, unable to breathe, contractions ect;  and I woke up feeling so rested.  I did get up to pee about 3 times, which is a lot less than I normally do.  At 6:30 am when I got up to pee I felt a gush and though oh boy did my water just break?  But when I went to the bathroom it was just a ton of watery slippery cervical mucus.  Nothing more.  After waking up I went on a completely insane nesting spree.  I just could not stop.  I vacuumed, cleaned out cabinets in the kitchen to reorganize and open one up for bottles, pacifiers, breast pump type stuff, dusted, cleaned the bathroom, scrubbed the cabinets, doors, base boards and floors of the kitchen and bathroom.  Then went and organized the bedroom so we will be good with the bassinet in there.  And some other things. 

No baby yet, which is actually completely okay since my Mom flies in tomorrow at 10 pm!  I am so incredibly excited!  And so grateful she will be here with us. 

I also got the gift in for Isaac that I got for our 6 year anniversary and Father's Day.  Which both are on Sunday.  It's so hard to believe that we will have been married for 6 years, so much has happened and taken place.  And on Sunday not only is it that but it is Father's Day and the first Day of summer.  Now if Ezekiel would make his debut that day before I think it would be perfect!  We could celebrate so wonderfully! 

But of course we don't get to decide that ourselves.  Here is what I got for Isaac:

39 Weeks...Will I make it to 40?

Last night Isaac and I had sex which slowly brought on contractions.  Nothing really big so I went to bed but then was awoken with very painful contractions throughout the night where I would have to get up and walk around or at least sit up in order to get some relief.   They were about 7-10 minutes apart.  So I ended up retiring to the rocking chair and putting on my hypnobabies and just allowing myself to try and zone out.  I got up at 8:30 this morning to get ready for my midwife appointment at 10:15.  When I went to the bathroom I had a rather large amount of what they call "bloody show" mucus plug where I had the regular mucus mixed with blood that was so incredibly thick and a little surprising.  I was still having contractions though nothing that was incredibly painful...just more like strong braxton hicks.  So when I went in today I decided I wanted to go ahead and be checked for my dialation and effacement so I gave in and had them check. 

I've gained 14 pounds still total.  I'm 2 cm dilated 50% effaced and she said my cervix is very soft.  She said there is still some mucus plug left but that a lot came out when she did my check so I might loose the rest of it in the next day or two.  But My blood pressure was high for my normal.  it was 140/86 then it was down to 130/80 at the end of the appointment which is still high for me I can't remember what I normally am but she said its pretty high for what I've been.

I'm honestly not concerned at all because I don't have any of the symptoms of it so I think it was just a little high no big deal.  They did a protein urine check and some blood work just to be safe and I'll get the results of those by the end of the day and I will have to go back in on Wednesday to have the blood pressure rechecked and if its still high they will send me to labor and delivery triage for testing. and then talk about maybe scheduling an induction.  But she said with the way things are going I'll probably go into labor before an actual induction would be scheduled since they'll have to monitor then do a 24 hour urine test ect;

She offered to sweep my membranes today to try and get things going but I declined especially since my Mom comes in on Wednesday and with all the signs of labor coming on its own if I can hold out then I will.  At my 40 week appointment I will say yes though if he's not here yet...but I doubt I'll make another week. 

He is sunny side up right now but she said they will still deliver him sunny side up but that it will make labor go a  little slower but that babies will continue to flip and they can turn at the last possible minute for that so it's not something they are concerned about but I'll be starting my hip and back exercises now try to give him room to turn.

Isaac is getting really nervous.  Not in a he's going to be a daddy type way but I guess antsy is a better term.  He hates that every time the phone rings he thinks it could be me telling him that I'm in labor he needs to come get me.  He hates me being at home right now by myself without him.  He wants to try and get thigns going asap so he will be there with us.  For his sake I pray it does happen that way so that will give him some peace.

Heavenly Father I just ask that you would come and give us your favor.  I ask that you would bring your peace to Isaac and myself.  Lord I know as much as we have our own desire for how we want these plans to go you know when you want us to be here.  God I ask that if it's your will I will contract and have my water break at night when at home while I'm with Isaac that way he has peace and we are there together.  I know it would make things so much better for him and myself as well.  You say you give us the desires of our hearts so this is what we pray Lord.  ~Amen
 

Here is today's week 39 photo:

 

Officially On Maternity Leave

I am now officially on maternity leave.  Not a moment too soon either.  I need to get over whatever this cough/allergy crap is before I welcome little man into the world.  Today was especially bad.  I have so much drainage and its so incredibly thick it can not be broken up.  I will try and cough it out and it will get stuck in my throat and i have to take tissue to try and pull it out the rest of the way which of course leads to puking.  From 1-9pm I have thrown up close to 8 times, not including the 3 times on my way to work this morning.  So I am going to break down and take something a little stronger than clairiton and benadryl like I have been taking.  My poor stomach is so sore from all the hacking and coughing I just can't even stand it.  That along with the fact I haven't been able to get much sleep from it either is not looking super nice for labor in the future.  I just want to feel better.  So I'm going to give flonase and sudafed a shot and pray I feel better.

I'm trying to decide it I want to have my dilation and effacement checked on Monday when I'll be 39 weeks.  I know it doesn't show much or mean much but I am curios as to how much progression I've had but the other part of me just says no let things all happen naturally.  So I don't know.

As of now I just hope he can hold off till my Mom gets into town which is Wednesday.  So I will just take things day by day until then, try to rest get the rest of everything done I want and need done before he gets here. 

This chapter is coming to a close

Last night, or rather the past couple days have not been very fun.  I have had so much drainage and sinus drip that I have been hacking, chocking and puking for several hours at night when I try to go to sleep.  The past two nights I ended up having to get out of bed and go sleep in the rocking chair which forces my back to sit straight up and helped a little, but I still ended up coughing up so much that it led to gagging and even more puking.  So needless to say not fun.  I've been taking both clairiton and benadryl without either helping much, though I did wake up this morning without my throat feeling like it's on fire so I say that's a huge step in the right direction.

Other than that things are going really well.  I am 38 weeks 5 days today.  Little man has most definitely dropped in his position.  I feel his head putting a lot of pressure on down there to a point sometimes it feels like he is trying to push his way out.  Here is a picture I took this morning trying to show the difference:

I was thinking last night as Ezekiel was moving around like crazy how much I have loved this experience.  I have loved feeling him move since 12 weeks.  Wow I can't believe I was able to feel him move so early.  But I love it.  I love every second of it.  This journey has been so hard to finally get here.  I can't believe we almost started trying for a family 3 years ago.  And now we are just so close! 

I think about giving birth and am just so excited.  I don't know what God has in store for us.  I don't know what plans he has about us having another baby of our own one day.  But either way we know we want to adopt.  And I know I don't ever want to go through those fertility treatments again.  But as of now Isaac and I feel differently on that, he definitely wants to adopt but he'd like to have one more of our own too and is willing to do the treatments again, though he didn't have to do much of anything for that it was all me.  Though we haven't talked about it in a while.  At first we were both wanting to try and start conceiving again immediately but now I don't.  If it happens I will be thrilled!  But I don't want to actively seek it.  But I want to take time to enjoy this little guy who we prayed for forever without already thinking of whats coming next, or worrying about every little thing during another pregnancy.

But as I'm thinking about welcoming little Ezekiel into the world I am not scared of labor at all.  I am just so excited for it!  Each pressure wave(contraction) that I feel each moment of pain I want to embrace it and enjoy it because: 1- I know it will be bringing us closer and closer to meeting our little man.  2- I don't know if I will be able to experience this again.  I don't know if I will get pregnant on my own and as of now I don't want or plan on doing fertility treatments again.  It's not something we have to know now.  So I can let it be but either way it puts things in perspective.  I want to enjoy every second of my labor.  Despite how tough it can be for others I want to look forward to it with joy and thanksgiving.  Making the entire thing just a worship service praising God for finally bringing us our miracle.

I remember so long ago when God spoke to me we would have  a son and name him Ezekiel I remember knowing in my heart it was going to be something like the story of Abraham and Sarah where they were promised a child and had to wait years and years for it to come to pass....now thank the Lord I haven't had to wait as long as they did but I remember before we even started trying me sharing this feeling with my best friend Krista and telling her that I just felt like when we did start trying it wasn't going to come easy. 

Through it all I can I look back and say I wouldn't change a thing?  No in all honestly I can't.  Even knowing that God's timing is perfect I still hate all the heart ache, pain, stress and brokenness I felt.  I know one day I will look back and see that the timing really was absolutely perfect.  That the lessons we learned(which have been a lot) couldn't have been taught at a better timing or in a better way.  And I just pray that God would open my eyes to see that. 

Do I feel bitter having to have gone through this journey?  No not at all.  Because it has made me appreciate the end result even more.  It has made me sympathetic to other's who are struggling with this same journey.  You never know how hard it is unless you go through it yourself.  And just because of that I am blessed to have experienced this.

So Ezekiel I say to you now as your time is coming near I welcome you with open arms, open hearts and so much love!  I can not wait to have you in my arms little man.  I can not wait to kiss your face and cover you with love.  Your father and I are so excited to meet you!  But we have waited this long for you to arrive we can wait till you are absolutely ready to come into the world. 

Heavenly Father I ask that you would help us to train up this child in the way he should go.  That you would teach us to be the parents that you want us to be.  That you would help us to love unconditionally and show him how to do the same.  I thank you that through this journey you brought us closer and closer to you.  That through this journey nothing has been able to break us or tear us apart.  I thank you Lord that Isaac and I have only grown stronger in our relationship and that we will continue to only grow stronger.  We praise you for it Lord.  God I ask that when our birthing time comes that your peace that surpasses all understanding will guide our hearts.  That you would allow it to be a peaceful time full of your love and gentleness.  I pray you would show us how to be the parents you want us to be.  Show us how to put each other first.  Always.  In your holy name we pray father.  ~Amen

38 Weeks

Today I hit 38 weeks.  This pregnancy seems to have flown by but also seems to be going so slow all at the same time.  It's amazing how that can happen together.  Yesterday I felt like a 90 year old woman with joint and hip pain.  Today it's better for sure.  Little man has been moving a ton and I love it.  I love seeing my stomach jump around and bounce all over the place along with the hiccups, the feel of him inside me.

I look back over this incredibly long journey, one that is just under 2 months shy of 3 years and remember that longing I had to be able to experience this.  All I wanted was to be able to feel my little one move around inside.  I wanted to experience the miracle of child birth.  Something that will be happening so soon.

I look back at all the things we have gone through to get here.  Not just in this past year since becoming pregnant but in general since August of 2012 when we started this journey.  All the heart ache, the stress, the feeling of brokenness, uselessness ect;  But we made it through.  And we made it through so much stronger than ever expected.

God despite how hard these challenges where in the past couple years.  Despite it all, you brought us through.  You brought us closer together with it.  You brought us to know you and know who you are.  God I thank you for bringing us closer to this next chapter.  I thank you that you will indeed open the doors that need to be open and close those doors that need to be closed.  I thank you Lord for it all!  God I ask that you would cause all things, labor, delivery, jobs ect; to work together for the benefit of your glory.  I thank you that when it is time we will be in a safe comfortable place and Isaac and I will be together through it.  I ask for your safety on both of us.  And I speak your word that says the angels of the Lord are dispatched around the righteous to watch over them.  You watch over us Lord.  And we praise you for that Father.  Help us to continue to bring glory, honor and praise to you Jesus.  ~Amen

I had my 38 week appointment today which went great.  Stomach is measuring at 39.5cm compared to last weeks 37cm.  But she said that could be that he had a growth spurt or just the way he is laying.  Either way things are looking good and really its just a waiting game now for whenever he wants to come.

That being said since I hit 38 weeks I did try for the first time my birthing guide track on my hypnobabies.  This can be used to start labor, but is more for when you go into labor the tape you will listen to to help bring you deeper into hypnosis.  And I have to say it worked wonderfully.  I was so incredibly relaxed....I found the message to be inspiring and insightful.  I don't plan on listening to it every day I just wanted to listen to it today to know what's on it now I'll go about my regular tapes until next week.  Then I might listen to it more.  

 The midwife gave me a few car seat pads to keep in my car so that when/if my water breaks I don't have to worry about getting my seats ruined.  So that made me happy.  This week is my last week of work before starting maternity leave.  I work 4 hours tomorrow, 6 Wednesday, 5 Thursday, 4 Friday then 4 on Saturday.  Then I am done.   With how uncomfortable I am it is really hard for me to be happy to see my clients when they come in, even the ones I love and have formed a really good relationship with.  But I will try to continue to just take things day by day hour by hour.  Listen to my body and get as much rest as I can.  Five more days of work I can do it!  That is of course unless he decides he is coming earlier.  But my Mom flies in next week, really late on Wednesday so if he decides to stay in till closer I keep telling myself I'm okay with it but really that changes on an hourly basis.