A Journey Through Motherhood

As I said in my last post I felt a change coming on.  I didn't know what change and truth be told  I could barely get my words together if I'm going to be honest with myself.  But yet that feeling was there deep in the pit of my stomach.

God had begun to convict me recently on trying to plan too much of my life.  I would say "Oh in so many years we will adopt then "...." will happen."  But that isn't the way the world works and I have begun to see it that way. 

I used to have a prayer I would pray over myself every day where I would speak into life believing that God was going to direct me down the path that He so desired me to walk down.  That I was going to simply put all faith hope and trust in Him guiding my steps and that I would follow His leading and He would open doors for me to walk through.

So where am I going with this?  Well as any of you readers who have been following me from the beginning you can see in my blog I have always said "In so many years we will do this then go to this ect;"  But Yet things would then change.  Then I would say "Oh well this will work better so we will do this."  Just too much planning when it came right down to it.  And yes it is good to have a plan.  It's smart to have a plan.  But sometimes that plan can get in the way of what God is trying to accomplish. 


On Saturday I had a client come in who also had to do fertility treatments and actually went to the same practice as me.  She started trying to conceive but instead of going back to the RE(Reproductive endocrinologist/fertility specialist) she found a obgyn that is willing to prescribe her the clomid/fremara that I had to take in order to conceive Ezekiel.  She said that the only monitoring he requires is blood work.  As she's speaking I get this overwhelming feeling of needing to call this Doctor to speak to him and to see him.  It's almost too good to be true a obgyn who is actually willing to allow me to do the fertility drugs without all the excessive monitoring.  I have heard of it multiple times but yet...maybe its too good to be true.  Either way though I will find out.  I booked an  appointment with him in October (the earliest I can be seen) and will see if this is an option for me.  If it is I would like to take it.  If it's not then I know that God is officially closing the door to me being pregnant for the time being. 

Already my brain has begun spinning on how the appointment might go.  I'm praying I walk out of there with a script in my hand enabling me to become pregnant again.  At the same time I'm thinking of what it will most likely be; that she was under special circumstances and that it really is too good to be true.  All in all I am trying so very hard to trust God and really just follow His leading.  But I do have peace about this.  I have peace knowing that God's will shall be done.  Isaac is very excited about the possibility to have another baby before we adopt.  I'm not sure why he wants it in that order and honestly I don't know that he does either.

So where does this bring us?  Well it brings us to my final point:  I'm sure my more avid followers immediately noticed the change not only in Layout but also my blog title.  It was originally "A journey to Motherhood"  But I have now changed it to a Journey Through Motherhood.  This is exactly where I am.  I'm going through motherhood which in and of itself is not without its trials and hardships but is worth every single second.  I love my son with all of my heart and can no longer imagine life without him.  Now I think on how great it will be when we have even more that we feel that way about.  Yes there are some days I count the very minutes before bedtime(today actually is one of those days)  But they are all worth it.  So here I am.  A wanderer, a drifter, a traveler through motherhood.  Excited to see what the future has in store; whether through adoption, pregnancy or even something else.  I'm trying to let go, give God the reigns and just enjoy the journey. 

I'm so glad to have you to follow me through it.  And I hope you continue to follow me in a my Journey through motherhood as we find out all the treasures God has in store for us.