He's One Year

My I can't believe how fast time has flown.  I looked up yesterday to see Ezekiel standing(yes standing!) by the stairs staring at me!  I was blown away by how much of a little boy he looks like and I wanted to immediately put my phone away, turn off the tv and get rid of all distractions and just stare at him as I was afraid the minutes where just going to begin zipping by and next thing I know he'll be walking and talking or going off to college, getting married.......you get the picture.  This year felt like it passed by with warp speed.

We are beyond blessed.  I can not even begin to comprehend how God brought us to where we currently are.  I remember begging and praying to God, believing on faith that I would just be able to conceive and here we finally are.  I have a one year old.   He babbles and laughs, eats and poops, cries and sleeps.  I never want to take any moment I can treasure with him for granite.  I want so badly to just hold him so close and pray over him.  He sleeps at night and I listen for the monitor to go off just to remind me that he is there.  If he cries out for me in the middle of the night(which doesn't happen often) but when it does my heart sores with thankfulness that I have a baby to answer that cry to.

There are too many women I know and even some of you readers I only know through the ciber world who still struggle with infertilitiy.  Still struggle every day to put a smile on your face with the dreaded question of: Do you have any kids?

I've begun to get: Will you have any more?  over and over again and my answer is always the same: I sure hope so and then I tell them of our struggle with infertility and how once again we are battling with that but that we plan to adopt and have another if possible.  It annoys me however that most people know our struggles now and will still ask if we will have any more, but once again I smile and say I sure hope so. 

Either way though being a mother has taught me that I can love children of all ages even if they are not mine.  I never thought I could feel so strongly about protecting someone as I do now.  I know that there is a natural mother instinct that all women feel even before they have children but being a Mom now its like that feeling times  100.  Nothing better come between you or your child or their shall be hell to pay.  I want protect those that can not protect themselves.  Adoption is definitely in the works before we do fertility treatments again, but I am open to one day going back to the fertility doctor if God opens that door for us. 

Isaac and I have decided together that not only do we want to protect Ezekiel and any other children we may have but we want to truly be examples to them of who God has called each and every one of us to be.  We have begun doing nightly devotionals and praying together just the two of us to help us to grow closer to God. 

That being said I would like to share his one year photo along with a few from his birthday party:

I feel like from here on out my entries will not be focused on us conceiving or adopting since that is not in the immediate future but rather on where my heart is with God and the calling he has placed on our lives as we grow as a family in him and eventually in numbers.  I haven't decided if I want to change the name of the blog as Journey to Motherhood is still in the works, but I feel it may change very soon so if you happen to come upon the blog and see the layout and title different that will be why.

I feel God tugging me in a different direction, but yet I'm not sure where that leads.  I want the people who read this to get something out of it: whether that be encouragement, prayer or even challenges.  I feel like over this past year it's become sort of a story board.....not to say that's a bad thing but I feel it is time to go a different direction.  So keep your eyes peeled for the change will be coming soon.

~To all my readers who have stayed with me this far I thank you!~