Deep Breaths

So far no ill effects from starting Metformin, though I've only been taking it now for 5 full days.  But I have to say I'm getting to a point of a lull.  I don't know any other way to explain it.  I'm so frustrated.  I'm so ready to be a Mom.  I want to experience the actual wonderful gift of being pregnant. 

We always said we will adopt if I don't get pregnant and we will.  Well shoot we actually plan on adopting even if we do have our own.  We want to adopt at least two.  But now that we are nearing the points where we will have to make plans if I don't conceive in the next few months and my mind is just racing with the what if's and maybes. 

God give me strength.  I want a baby and I want one soon!  I want to be pregnant by January.  If we aren't by the end of February we actually plan on making an appointment with a fertility specialist.  Just one step at a time.  I keep trying to remind myself that but it's not always easy.  I have peace which is great but not enough anymore. 

I don't know I'm rambling now so I'm gonna end this. 

Taking steps forward

So finally got the results back on my pcos test.  My Dr said everything is consistent with pcos so today I started 500 mg of Metformin that I will take two times a day for just 10 days then we will bump it up to 750 mg 2x a day.  I'm hoping that things will move forward rather quickly.  On top of trying to get pregnant I'm also trying to loose weight and it hasn't really been going well.  I've been exercising every day, eating super healthy*under 1500 calories every day** and this being fruits, veggies ect.  and I haven't lost a single pound.  There isn't a ton of straightforward information on pcos.  But my Dr. said that if I am not pregnant by my appointment next month she will want to do another test to see how my body is reacting to the medication....so maybe that means I actually do have a shot at getting pregnant soon!  But I also will need to stay on it it seems.  Especially if I want to continue to be able to loose weight even after I have a baby. I'm so relieved and so excited to be able to take steps in the right direction.  I feel like I'm finally moving forward.  I feel like this is the right direction and I have complete peace.  So far*I know it's only the first day** but zero side effects.

I'm just super ready to begin.  I feel like I have been at a stand still in everything.  Emotionally, I still have good days and bad days but its been more good then anything.  I also have to say I have a very nice sense of peace.  I have for a few weeks now but I'm getting a little more antsy every day.  I want a family.  I want to make my husband a father.  I want to be a mommy.  I'm so excited for what the future has in store and I will just trust and believe day by day things will work out.  Just one step at a time. 

Great Dr's visit

So looks like I'm finally getting answers.  I definitely have Hypothyroid, but the dr believes I may also have pcos.  Both are treatable.  I got new labs taken today for my thyroid disorder.  She was going to go by my original labs but since I told her I really believe this is whats causing my infertility and want it fixed asap she decided to run new current labs today to get me on the best dose of medication then on cycle days 3-5 of my next cycle I am to go and get more labs drawn to confirm the pcos disorder.  So all in all it looks like I'm finally going to get some answers!  I couldn't be happier.  Its not just a matter of waiting and following Dr's orders. 

I have my gynecologist visit on Thursday she told me to go over with her the pcos suspicion and then to show her the scripts that will be drawn and see if she has any other things she wants to add to the labs and if so to send the results to her. 

So all in all I believe everyone will work together and we will get it all situated. 

Today is the Day!

So in about 30 minutes I will be heading to my Dr's appointment.  I'm nervous but excited all at the same time.  I am just trying to tell myself to trust.  It will all work out.  Just keep my head up.  I'll update this post after the visit right now my find is too full to really concentrate on what I want to say. 

Home stretch

So I'm getting to that time so close to my endocrinologist visit!  I'm so close but so far away at the same time.  At least I'm working every day till then so it will make it go by so much faster than if I had to just sit and wait.  I called the office to find out if they were going to send me a script for blood work or just do it when I came in that same day.  They said since I'm a new patient they will just go off the labs from my referring doctor.  So hopefully that means I'll be taken seriously.  I found out they now want your tsh levels around 1.5 and mine were 5.67 so I'm pretty sure they will listen to what I have to say!  Hopefully we get this show on the road right away and I start noticing a difference.

I do have to say that without the vitex my temperatures have begun to rise...but I still get a few jumps and dips even though the rest remains somewhat steady.  Its getting kinda hard to tell though if I have anovulatory cycles or just a slow ovulation raise.  When I was taking the Vitex I was able to tell without a doubt. 

My Dr. told me to bring the bottle in with me let them see it and tell them I was on it when I took the last labs and would like to continue if they give the ok.  So we will see. 

Only two days after my endocrinologist visit I have my gyno visit where we will go over my charts and if she feels necessary run more labs and just see how things look.  I want to wait till my thyroid levels get in order before continuing the baby train.  Wish me luck!

Happy for someone else's pregnancy

Steps are being made in the right direction in regards to my heart.  Before if someone told me they were pregnant I would get happy but then just jealous, angry and upset.  I have a friend I work with who surprisingly didn't know that my husband and I were trying to get pregnant, at this point I thought everyone knew due to the fact my reaction to the question When are you gonna have a baby?  had become rather straightforward, blunt and put in a way to make sure that I never heard them ask me again. 
So when she found out we had been trying for over a year she confided in me that her and her husband had been trying for 2 years with no success.  She told me that she had tried to get advice from her gyno and they told her just to keep an eye on her cervical mucus and plan sex accordingly but that she didn't really understand what that ment.  So I took the time to explain things.  She had believed that the thicker stretchier stuff would actually hinder the sperm movement so after explaining signs of ovulation, and some little tricks she decided to try it.  Well just a few days ago she told me she is pregnant!  Only a few weeks after we had our talk, she timed accordingly and it all happened!

I have to say for the first time in a very long time I am actually genuinely so happy for someone who tells me they are pregnant.  Maybe its because I know she was struggling even longer than I was and so its just so good to see someone have break through.  Maybe it's a sign for myself that things can only get better.

Either way it's sooo good not to be jealous about it.  Thank you Jesus!

I have to say I just feel that if things don't happen soon I really believe I'll be ok.  I know that each day is a journey that has its own purpose, its own plan and its own destiny.  Now ask me in a week if I still feel this way and I may feel differently.  But all in all I would say that God has granted me peace and it's amazing!

Kim Walker - How He loves us

I don't know if anyone needs to hear this but this is a song that is just speaking to me so much today.  I am so blessed to know just how much He loves us!