At Peace

Lately I just feel at peace.  I know that if God wants us to have another baby it will happen and I feel content letting it be so.  It's a a huge emotional change from last post.  I think in part though I can credit my body getting slightly back on track or so it seems.  I did hours of research on certain essential oils that can help regulate my hormones and essentially do what the fertility drugs did and help get my body back on track.  I am not a doctor and there are so many contradictory articles out there but after a lot of research on what is safe and not safe while breast feeding and contacting a few people I know who sell essential oils I decided to give it a go.  And it is already making a big difference on my cycles.  I'm only on day 5 of use but can see a difference when it comes to temping compared to last time here was my last temping chart from September followed by my current one:

As you can see it is a huge difference!  I am absolutely amazed by what I see. I think this is the reason I feel at peace.  It's not that I necessarily have the huge desire to get pregnant right away but more that I just want to be fixed.  I just want my body to do what it's supposed to do every day and at least give myself the opportunity to get pregnant every month.  I keep picturing in my head the little story line of I realize my period is late take a test and it's positive.  I'm overjoyed and think of a fun way to surprise Isaac with the news.  I much prefer this over what we both had to do last time: obsessing over the tests taking them as soon as possible and sometimes several times a day.  I just want to be able to be able to be over the moon excited without the anxiety of staring at the test with a I'm going to freak out if I get another negative type feeling.

I'm interested to see how the rest of the month turns out.  I'm not at a place yet where I want to do ovulation kits and other fertile testing with sex every other day but just knowing that there is an actual possibility that my body is getting back on track just makes me so incredibly happy.  Though I have to admit I need to try to not count my chickens before they hatch which is easier said than done sometimes.  But I feel like it will just take so much pressure off of me.  Not that Isaac was pressuring me to begin with.  

As to the family dinamic we are in a good routine.  Ezekiel has started getting me up at around 6 pm every night which is okay since he sleeps most nights through or just wakes up once and is normally back asleep within 30 min.  I can not believe he will be 6 months in just two more days.  Where on earth did the time go?  I just can not believe it.

With Christmas right around the I am feeling very blessed and grateful.  I can't believe all the healing that has taken place in the past year.   Last year we did not have my brother with us and those holidays were just so incredibly hard but knowing this year we have the most precious gift we could ever have I just can not imagine anything better.   Isaac's family will be coming to stay with us for Christmas and it will be quite a full house but a lot of fun letting them all play with the little guy.