Happy Birthday Little Angel

Yesterday I started writing this blog post but wasn't able to finish.  Yesterday our angel baby would have been turning a year old.  It's amazing to me that even though we were only pregnant for about 4/5 weeks that I can not get that due date out of my head.  The could haves the what ifs coming to mind.  Would it have been a boy or girl?  Would Ezekiel have an older brother or sister.  All these things coming into mind.  But then I'm reminded of the beautiful miracle I have upstairs napping in his crib.  How I am beyond blessed at my handsome son.

I'll say it again I am beyond blessed.  But that being said it doesn't make your heart not feel for the one that didn't make it, especially now knowing how very precious life really is.  There is nothing better than being a Mom.  It is the best thing I have ever had to do.

Soon it will be Mother's Day and the first Mother's day where I will be a Mom through and through and I can not wait to celebrate it.  To celebrate every second of it with lots of hugs and kisses with my family.  The cry of my heart truly is that God would help us to raise Ezekiel up into a loving caring child.  That he would seek the Lord with all his heart and realize at a young age just how amazing our God truly is.  I want to be able to be the best Mom possible that I can be for him.

This week(tomorrow actually) also marks Nathan's birthday.  The second one he will not be able to celebrate with us.  I know my family, my parents especially, are hurting.  And I wish I could give them all huge hugs right now and lots of love.

But Nathan will be having his own little party in heaven.  I know my Dad is having a hard time letting go and letting things get easier.  He feels guilty when he is happy and enjoying life.  He has read every book he can get his hands on about dealing with grief and says he knows it is just part of the grieving process.  But I just wish he could let himself experience joy.  Let himself experience peace.  He doesn't have to torture himself with the I wish I would have done this.......  But it's an easier said than done experience.   And I know everyone experiences grief differently.

On another brighter note.  I can't believe I'm even saying this but I sent out Ezekiel's 1st birthday invitations today!  I'm so excited that my Mom and Dad are both flying in for the party.  It will be so good to celebrate the life and milestone together.

I decided we are going to do a peach party theme.  So it will be fun times and yes I shall post pictures when the time comes.