Ezekiel is in down for his nap.  Coffee is here in hand.  Worship music is on in the background.  Now it's time to catch you all up a little on what is going on with me.  The feeling of blahness for lack of a better word comes and goes.  But mostly gone.  I think it helps that I finally told Isaac how I have been feeling.  I explained to him how in part I just felt bored.  That I wanted was more adult interaction.  I wanted to be able to feel like I have a life outside of taking care of Ezekiel and waiting for him to come home.  I explained how I feel like I'm slowly disappearing into myself.  I told him how I really just didn't feel desirable no matter how I know he feels about me.  He listened and was able to encourage me but necessarily with words.  He simply has been there for me as I work through this.  Extra long hugs when he gets home.  Snuggling on the couch as we watch a movie.  Things that I feel like I've been missing or that we both took for granted when they where around.   

Slowly but surely the feeling has begun to ebb away.  I think in part it is getting better  because I have been so busy at work. I have actually felt like I've been doing well.    I have felt like I've been making a difference.   Something I haven't been feeling yet since I quit my old job.  I knew it would take time and still will take even more time to get where I want to be in the future.  But I know that God is faithful.  He led me on this new adventure in life and He will bring me success.   

Speaking of new adventures....my period should be starting on Christmas Day or a few days after.  Then we shall begin the new journey with the clomid and trying to get pregnant again.  I'm not nervous at all.  I'm actually not even anxious for it.  I feel just very calm, at peace and a sense that this is exactly what we are supposed to be doing.  So onward we go.  I think no matter what I can't help but look at it from a different angel than before.  I already have one miracle.  As much as I want another one I know that my heart is full and shall just expand to make room for others.

To each of you readers  I wish you a Merry Christmas.  I hope you have wonderful holidays.  We are really looking forward to Christmas this year since Ezekiel will actually understand what is going on.  I will be sure to come on and post pictures of our holiday together. 

~~~Until next time~~