Acceptance

After my Glassy Water's post I waited a few days then called my Dad.  We had a very good heart to heart where he listened to my struggles and my emotions.  I told him how I felt that I just couldn't accept that this is a problem for me.  That I remember the promises that God gave me and am so incredibly frustrated.  It's not that I believe God had given up on me but that I had given up on God.  It was through this conversation that He gave me some incredible insight and some incredible words of wisdom.

Just because I accept something doesn't mean that I am not believing for something.  Right now God has obviously called me to a season of infertility.  This doesn't mean that it comes from God, but it does mean that today, this day that I am living God has decided not to give me the promises yet.  Tomorrow however could be a different story.  Tomorrow I could wake up and see that God has decided that it is the day for me to conceive, or the day for these issues to disappear.  I believe that I serve a God of miracles and I have no problems believing that.  I know if He wanted to He could snap his fingers and I'd be healed....but for today He has said no.  For today He has said now is not the time. 

It doesn't make these promises or these issues less important...but I'm praying over time it will help make them more bearable.  I have to accept that God has a bigger plan.  I know that His promises are true and when they happen the timing is better than anything I could imagine. 

I choose to accept that God's plan is bigger, I will still work toward the goal and promises I have been given but I do not want to let them defeat me.

I know every day will be a challenge.  Every day I have to wake up and decide to not let it bother me, not let it take up my focus.

I chose to Trust in the Lord, not leaning on my own understanding. 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;

In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct^[a] your paths.

Proverbs 3:5-6

It says in all my ways to acknowledge Him.  This means when I'm walking in doubt and unbelief.  When I'm walking in torment.  When my heart is splintering I must acknowledge Him.  I must believe that there is indeed a higher purpose for this season I'm in.  Not all seasons will be full of joy.  I must remember that He leads me through the darkness into light.  

 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

² He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
^3 
4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
⁵ Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
⁶ Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.
Psalm 23 

For now I may feel broken and worn down but: 
³ He restoreth my soul:

I may not know what the future holds or how long this journey will take but: 

 
he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

No matter how dark things look, how depressed I get or how worn down I am:

 
 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

⁵ Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. 

His promise for me:

 
⁶ Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.