He never lies.....

I find myself looking back on the promises that were given to me so long ago.  God promised us a son.  When I was living as a missionary in Romania God had spoken into my heart with that still quiet small voice that I would move to York, PA.  I would marry Isaac and we would have a son.  He told me his name, he allowed me to know it full heartily with no doubt that it was indeed true.   He never lies.

I look back and wonder...was it real...then I see the proof.  I did indeed move to York Pa and I did indeed marry Isaac.   At that time he wasn't even pursuing me yet.  Or at least I didn't think he was, but according to one of his best friends he wouldn't stop talking about this girl he knew who was a missionary in Romania.  He talked about me so much this friend of his talked him into pursuing me the very month I got back to the USA. 

If God proved that I heard His word then I know that the second part of that promise is to come.  For no matter how many promises God has made, they are "Yes" in Christ. And so through him the "Amen" is spoken by us to the glory of God. 2 Corinthians 1:20 NIV  I feel so incredibly ready.  For so many years, even before I was married I would think about children and have the promises of Abraham and Sarah come to mind where God promised them a child and it was many many many years before it came to fruition.  I felt in my heart of hearts that my journey would be like that. 

Before we even started this journey it would come into my mind and I would rebuke it.  Saying no I need to think positive, I need to believe indeed that I will get pregnant this month or next month, not allowing myself to see the truth.  The truth that My God told me long ago that this would be how my journey came to place.  A hard journey that would take time.

Now that I'm in this journey I think of how precious when the time finally will happen that it will be.  I look back on those thoughts when I knew that something was whispering into my heart that this would take a long time and I had a feeling I would only physically have one child.  Or only physically be pregnant one time. 

Now going through this I can say I believe that may be the case.  With everything that is going on I do not think I will ever want to go through this again.  With all the money, all the pain, everything that is happening I don't think I'll ever want to go through this again.  I would rather take this pain these hardships and put them toward and adoption process where I can be making such a huge difference into the lives of others.

I've actually begun looking up information on adoption.  It's definitely an expensive process.  But one that I know will be so incredibly worth it in the end.  Depending on what the Doctor says when we sit down with her we will have to decide which way to go, which steps to take.

Before we do begin an adoption process I will want to have as much debt paid off as possible.  I know we are already beginning that trip, it's just slightly on hold due to the fertility bills that are coming in.

But I can't help but think of what the Bible says:
Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble, and to keep oneself unspotted from the world. James 1:27

I have always had a heart for children.  I want to make a difference in the lives of the unfortunate in the lives of those who are hurting.

If I do get pregnant and have our own child I still want adoption to be a top priority.  I want to hold all those broken children to hug them kiss them hold them allow them to feel safe. 

Jesus I know you see my heart.  I know you are preparing me for something, I may not know what it is yet but I choose to trust you.  To trust in Your word Lord.  Guide me Father closer to you.  Guide me into the direction you would have me to go.  Help me to hunger and thirst for those things that You hunger for.  Help me in everything I do just to completely trust in you.  I commit my life to you.  I commit every decision I make every day to bring me closer to you.  Guide me in that direction I pray Lord.  I thank you Jesus.   ~Amen