Isaac and I went to visit friends this past weekend and where able to take the 5.5 hour drive in the car to talk.  It felt good to be open and able to share my emotions after 2 weeks.  And was wonderful to hear how he felt too.  It seems we are on the same page. He shared with me how he would one day really like to try again naturally but that he is just giving that decision to me.  He knows we are called to adopt and for now he feels we should stop take a step back on the conception journey and move forward with adoption.  We both agree we shouldn't put our life on hold for the possibility of getting pregnant.  And if we where to miraculously become pregnant on our own in between we both still feel like this shouldn't stop us from moving forward in adopting.  In May we will go to orientation and get all the info we need and then decide/pray about if we start this year or next year or later down the road.  If in the future I'm at a place of healing, or have Peace about doing Fertility medications again we will cross that bridge then but for now we feel it's time to move on.  Isaac shared with me he really wants to at least try to have one more through pregnancy some time down the road but if I never get there he will 100% understand and stand by me either way.  I asked him what happens if I never get there?  He said then that's okay and he wont ever be bitter or regretful.

This is where we are and this is where we are going.  It is a lot to take in and I don't know what the future holds but I do know that we will face it together.  We both believe when we go in May that we will know after orientation if we are meant to adopt now or later.  And I won't rush a decision.  I will trust that we will follow God's leading and he will open the doors that should be open as they need to be.  So until then I will enjoy every second of my beautiful baby boy and continue to love on him.  I will pray for those kids who will end up coming to us.  I pray for their safety.  That God would begin to prepare their hearts for us.  To know that we are there to love them unconditionally no matter what.