Today you would have turned 2 years old....or if you came early like Ezekiel you would have already turned two.  It's amazing how a date can just sneak up on you:

 April 22nd

June 15th

October 28th

These are the due dates of our angel babies.  Today I was so glad to be busy at work to help pass the time and not think about the date.  To be honest I almost made it the whole day without realizing what the actual date was. 

I feel sad currently.  Not necessarily for a specific loss but just about the entire situation.  How excited we were to have our hopes so high only to loose it.  But it is also hard because April 26th is Nathan's birthday.....or rather was Nathan's birthday.  He would have been turning 24.  I have two losses that both coincide very closely with Nathan.  I'm not sure how I feel about that.  The one due date just a few days before his birthday was.  The last one just a few days before he died.  

I know that the one in October is going to be very hard for me.  Not just because of the other emotions that come with him being gone but also since I have two close friends I see on a regular basis one will be having a baby in August, the other September and we thought it was amazing I was coming along to have the next one in October.  So I will see these beautiful little babies.  These gifts from God and not have my own.  I already feel robbed.  I feel sad, angry and upset.  

I still am not ready to try again or to put myself out there that way.  I still just want to move forward with adoption continue to heal and just take things day by day.  Following God's leading.

He heals the brokenhearted And binds up their wounds.  Psalm 147:3