This right here just makes me so angry! It also reminds me of what was lost and rips the band aid right back off. This is the hospital bill I get to pay for absolutely nothing(only $405 less then the labor and delivery fee I paid for Ezekiel). Only this time there will be no baby joining us on the ride home.  I think a lot of people look at me and say wow she's doing so good.  She's keeeping a positive outlook and to be honest for the most part yes I am.  I am blessed with an amazing support system and a vision for the future which helps get me through every single day.  But you know what.  I'm still grieving.  I still think about the fall and how my two friends will be walking into Church with their new babies and I won't have mine.  I try to tell myself I'm not "pregnant" but in a different way(through adoption) but in reality nothing can replace that loss.  Today is very emotional.  I will get past it and continue to move forward but truth is....it stings.  It hurts and is so hard to feel.  But I need to feel in order to heal.  So I will let myself be sad because through that I will find peace.