Trust

Trust can sometimes be so much easier said than done.  It sounds like such a simple thing.  Just trust me.  But it goes so much deeper than that.  It goes into the very core of who we are.  Trust means letting go.  It means relinquishing control and letting someone else take the reigns.  Something I've never been very good at.

Trust is so very important.  It can shape the foundations of our lives.  If you don't trust those around you, don't trust yourself then what's the point?

So where am I going with this?  Well I keep hearing that still small voice:  Just trust me.  Trust me to provide.  Trust me to bless.  Trust me to open up doors for you that only I can open.  Just trust me.

Where is this all coming from?  Well as I've shared before I'm a control freak.  I've taken care of myself for a very long time without ever asking for help.  I hate having to ask for help.  Now we have a baby coming someone who will rely on us for everything.  I look at the huge picture....which I knew was coming mind you it's not like this is coming from no where.  But for the first time I'm actually scared to relinquish control and let someone else take care of us.  To let Isaac be the provider.

I sat down and did the math on all the bills, something I've done more times then I can count...and it never changes...never the less I sat down and counted them again did the math on what Isaac makes what we have going out and it's kinda scary.  Don't get me wrong we are so blessed and God provided this job for him right when we needed it but the benefits aren't quite as good and more expensive so with that we are actually bringing in a few hundred dollars less a month then he was making before plus we will have to add Ezekiel to the insurance which will up the bills a little.  As of now I plan on going back to work part time but we aren't even sure how that's going to work since Isaac hasn't been getting home till after 6 pm and I'd have to leave my house by 4:45 in order to even do a evening shift at work and it's not something he can control.  If they have deadlines they have to meet then he has to stay.  The other night he was at work till 9:30 pm.  I ended up getting off work at 9 and driving over to pick him up so he wouldn't have to take the bus.  It's things like this that are out of my control...where I am such a planner that scare me so badly.  But I know God will make it clear to us what we should do.  Like I said before there are a lot of things we have to pray about and just see what doors open up or close.  

Either way Lord I ask that you would help us to trust you.  We heard from Isaac's Mom the cancer is stage 3 breast cancer but thankfully only on the one side.  The doctor said this kind of cancer is curable.  Which hearing that is a huge relief never the less its a very hard road in front of her.  6 Months of Chemo-she gets her chemo pump put in next week- then a full mastectomy, then radiation.  She already is worried about traveling for the baby shower with doing chemo.  So we aren't sure when the baby comes if she will even be able to make the trips up here to visit so that will be on us to go.  Which we don't mind at all, I know they'll want to show that grand baby off anyway.  So that's another thing we are keeping in mind. 

So what's the point of this post?  The point of this post is for complete honesty.  To let you readers see into my life: fears, worries, excitements everything. 

Ezekiel is most definitely getting stronger every day.  Today on my way to work I was stopped in the car and looked down and just saw a huge leg move across my stomach.  It was amazing!

Yesterday I most certainly had a pregnancy brain moment.  I was working on a project on the computer where I was printing three items per page...I was printing several trying to get everything just right so I then took all the ones that that I had just printed and started counting but instead of putting the pages down I counted I continued to put them behind each of the ones I already counted and just kept going till I realized what I was doing and that I was most definitely over what I printed.  I had to laugh at myself.