This blog entry is strictly going to be me allowing the cries of my heart to come out. A prayer from the deepest depths. I have worship music on and just want to enter in.
My Jesus, My precious Father, Holy One, My king. You have brought us victory from so long ago. So many years ago, 10 long years ago actually you spoke to me that I would one day have a son and his name would be Ezekiel. Even now you whisper to me in the night about your favor and hand of protection upon him. Lord I thank you for your hand upon my little one. God We want to train him up in the way he should go. We want to be witnesses on how he can have a deep personal relationship with you from the beginning. God let your favor rest upon him. Let your hand be upon him. I come against the generational curses that plague my family. I come against depression, addiction, suicidal tendencies, bi polar disorder, cancer, heart disease, molestation, rage, allergies; everything God that has made a way into our families. I thank you that we are no longer under that old covenant. We are founded and made new by you. Your hand has been upon me from a young age protecting my innocence I ask for the same with Ezekiel. I ask for your hand to be upon him.
God my heart is heavy with the decisions that must be made. The main one being the decision on going back to work or not. God I have never trusted someone else with my own provision so there is that fear of loosing control. Of not being the one to bring in money and provision. But was I ever the one to really bring in the provision? You provided for me for us from the very beginning. God even when we first got married there is no way I should have been able to pay all our bills myself but I did. Because you gave us the money to do so. So Lord I ask right now that you would. God I don't want to make the decision based on what I want. I want to do what is best for our family. I want to do what will be best for my son. My son. God that sounds so beautiful. It brings tears to my eyes. It's scary even just writing this out. To put in on paper for the world to see what I am considering. God I ask that you would let Isaac and I know what you desire of us. That you would show us where you want us to go and open the doors that you have for us and close those that you want closed. God I lay it all down at your feet. I just ask that you would show Isaac and I both separately for sure what you want us to do and then open the door into that direction.
God I look back on this journey. This journey that has almost been 3 years in the making and just feel so blessed. God you brought us out of darkness into the light. You brought us victory. You brought us our son. Now Lord we ask that you would equip us in the best possible way to be able to raise him up how you want us to. Help me to be the wife that Isaac needs to support him in his career and on his path. Help me to be nurturing, uplifting and positive in all things.
You know my deepest thoughts, my deepest desires even before I can articulate them enough to know what they are myself. So Lord I come before you and ask for you to bring it out. Bring it out show us where to go with it. When I sit and try to weigh the pro's and con's of decisions to come my mind races so much that I can't seem to think clearly. So Lord I give it to you. I give you the decision. I give you everything. I just ask for guidance and direction. Open the doors you want open and close those you want closed. Let us cherish every minute that we can to the very maximum possible. We praise you for that Lord. ~Amen.
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