Part 2

How is motherhood treating me?  That seems a little bit like a loaded question.  I am so in love with this little man.  But still feel so nervous about every little thing.  If he makes a sound I don't recognize my mind will immediately race to what could be wrong?  Is this normal ect;  Let me tell you NEVER google the problem.  Most of the time you'll see something that says its normal but then you keep digging and everything can always be a sign or symptom of something else.  Constantly worrying.  But I keep repeating to myself that not everything is a sign of something going wrong. 

I have officially turned my new work schedule in to work.  I will only be working about 14 hours a week and when I'm not with Ezekiel Isaac will be watching him.  This is working out perfect.  It's enough hours a week where I will get to use the creative outlet that I need to fulfill along with some adult interaction.

Nursing is going really well and he is gaining weight wonderfully.  I do have an over supply though where if he goes longer than a four hours of not eating I will beyond leak- I will get hard very painful breasts and fill the nursing pads so much that I leak through them onto my shirt.  I told work that on my longer shift day-my 8 hour shift I need a 15 minute break put on my book in order to make sure i can pump enough to get some relief.  Just as an example here is what I got after just 10 minutes of pumping after Ezekiel was done eating:

I do have to say though I would rather have too much then not enough.  I already have 145 ounces frozen which is good just in case my supply begins to diminish I want to make sure I have a nice stock pile.  Haven't decided yet if when I go back if I will give that to Ezekiel or just pump fresh and use the frozen as needed since it is good for a year in the freezer.  Either way I have more than enough time to figure it out.

Sleep seems a thing of the past.  I get 3/4 hours and feel like I slept 12.  It's amazing how your body learns to function and adjusts.  So all in all I think I am doing pretty well with the post pardum department.  I have had two panic attacks the past few days though.  They kind of came out of no where and both when I was sleeping.  One was due to a dream where in the dream I was having an issue at work, over something stupid and I woke up having a legit freak out of what if it does happen and turns into a problem.  It was so bad I text one of my managers who assured me it wouldn't be an issue.  Then the other was I had just gotten Ezekiel down to bed so I tried to go to bed and as I was laying there I wasn't able to fall asleep so I started getting worked up over the idea that once I finally fell asleep he would wake me up just a few minutes later...this did not make it any easier to be able to fall back asleep.  I never want to make Isaac get up during the week to help with feedings because he already has to get up at 6:30 in the morning, but on Friday evenings after I go to bed he automatically gets the first feeding when Ezekiel wakes up.  But even if Ezekiel sleeps a decent stretch I still wake up with rock hard breasts that are leaking and about to explode so I have to get up and pump.  Its helped a little emptying myself completely before I head to bed I can sometimes go 5 hours that way.

 I also finally got up the courage to leave the house for longer than a 2 hour period and went to lunch with a friend and then did my first ever breast feeding in public.  I had to snap a picture for the memory.  And so I believe this will complete my entry for the day though I feel I could go on and on.  Especially since my mind has been going all sorts of places in regards to looking back on our journey so long ago and to where we are now. So here are some pictures for cuteness: