God heard the turmoil in my heart and it seems he may have answered my prayers in a way that I really feel is beyond what I imagined. I know a few posts ago I actually said out loud something I have been struggling with for months. The decision on going back to work. Since I was a little girl I always pictured myself as being a stay at home Mom to 5+ children. Loving on them caring for them. Cleaning the house and making it perfect for my husband when he comes home from a long day at work. It's just something I always though was meant for me.
But then I was blessed with this most amazing gift anyone could ever receive and it looked like that wasn't an option for us and it tore me apart. But then Isaac got laid off and then it looked like I had no other option then to be a stay at home Mom and again I felt torn. I love my job so much and I love my clients, my coworkers. How could I just completely walk away from that.
So over the past several months lots and lots of prayer has been involved. Not just in the realm of if I want to continue on my career or not but due to family remaining a priority. To me there is no other option. Family must always come first no matter what.
And so Isaac and I talked over and over again and each time he gave me the same answer that he would support me in whatever decision I decided to make. But then he had gotten laid off and started this job where it did not look like staying at home was even an option and again I was torn. So again we prayed....we prayed that God would open the doors that need opened and close the doors that need closed.
Yesterday on my walk around the neighborhood I had worship music playing and just continued to pour my heart out to God about this decision and how hard it is. God spoke to my spirit That He would let me know the right path to take. And that beyond a shadow of a doubt I would know which direction and decision I should make.
Well today Isaac's boss and hr department approved the exact schedule I would need to go back to work. This is something we were not expecting. But I feel this may be God's way of letting me know what I should do and I just have so much peace that I will make the right decision. I was reminded of the scripture Psalm 37:23 "The LORD directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives."
When I spoke to Isaac about it this evening he seemed really nervous with me going back to work. Despite him wanting to support me he is nervous about being with the baby by himself on a regular basis. He said he feels like it's going to be really hard and that he has a lot to learn. I told him that we still have a few months to get him comfortable and that at that point Ezekiel will be older too and a little easier to take care of because he'll be a little older/less clingy. So now I will just continue to pray for peace for both of us if this is indeed the path we are going to take and then we just have wait and see about which weekdays I will be working and then turn my schedule into work.
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