How many children?

How many children do I want.  I actually don't have the answer to that question.  I want them all would seem to be the appropriate answer.  Lately I've found myself constantly thinking about getting pregnant.  Not that I necessarily want to be pregnant again right now but the fact that my period was the most normal I have ever hand it in my life makes me think it is actually a possibility to get pregnant on my own without treatments.  I'm currently on cycle day 12 and am just keeping an eye on things and am interested in how things are going to end up looking/working out.

Isaac and I had a conversation the other day talking about this possibilty where he proceeded to use Ezekiel as a puppet to tell mama how he wants to be a big brother.  I had to laugh I feel in all reality I am just not quite ready yet.  If it happened I would be thrilled but I'm not in a place where I would want to actively try to get pregnant again like we were doing before.

I know this might sound a little stupid but I'm afraid that if I get pregnant it might mar the joy a little bit.  I am full of joy and wonder with my little one and love the idea of having another one to keep him company, add to our family, expand the love.  But I just remember how scared I was so many times that something would go wrong.  I would see the blood(I bled sporadically throughout my whole pregnancy) and be so afraid I was loosing him so I'm afraid that if I did get pregnant it might steal some of my current joy.

I love our beautiful family.  I love being a Mom.  And now we are getting into a routine and experiencing new things I know that adding another right now would add a......challenge.  I'm not going to say hardship because I still look at every child as a blessing and I know we could do it.  But I feel now that we are in the swing of things so to speak its actually gotten pretty easy.

I guess in all I just need to trust that God's plan is best.  He gave us our beautiful baby boy that he promised us and He says that blessed is the family that has many children:

 Psalm 127:3-5   

Children are a heritage from the Lord,
    offspring a reward from him.
⁴ Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
    are children born in one’s youth.
⁵ Blessed is the man
    whose quiver is full of them.
They will not be put to shame
    when they contend with their opponents in court.

So for now I will just wait and see how I feel and take things day by day.  Right now I think for at least the next couple months if I know for sure I'm ovulating I will want to abstain.  

So for happy news little dude is 14 weeks old today!  It's amazing watching him grow and change.  Every day he becomes more and more interactive and is starting to see the world in a different light.  It is amazing to witness this. He makes me laugh every day and just gives us so much joy.  

I am happy to report we have a great sleep schedule where he goes to bed around 8:30 every night then will sleep any where from 6-9 hours...normally closer to 9 hours. I am so impressed and grateful all at once since I know it is not normal for a kid this young to sleep that well but I will take it!  Thank you Jesus.  So here are Ezekiel's 3 month pictures: