It looks like my body may have regulated itself after Ezekiel after all.  I just had my shortest period on a non medicated cycle that I have ever had.  It lasted 5 days when normally my period lasts anywhere from 9-11 days and comes every 31 days.  I'm curious now to see if it will come at 31 days or every few months since I am breast feeding.

My poor little guy has a cold and yet he is taking it like a trooper.  Lat night he was coughing and hacking up snot and I just felt so bad since there really wasn't much I could do.  I'm praying he inherited an immune system like mine where he can get over things really quickly.  I rarely get sick but when I do it normally only lasts a day two at the most.  He already sounds so much better this morning but that might be in part because I have the windows open since it's humid outside to get some fresh air and help put some moisture in the house.  I hate having the air conditioner on all day.  Drives me nuts.  But my little trooper is all smiles and still as happy as can be.  I thank God so much for blessing me with this beautiful little bundle of joy.


I've been thinking about Nathan a lot lately.  I can not believe it's almost been a year since he's been gone.  Since we last spoke.  The pain has become manageable especially with life just becoming so very busy.  But I never want to forget him.  I pulled out my old phone and re read our conversation we had that night and it just seemed so marred.  Before I held onto it like a beacon of hope that Nathan was happy and wasn't planning to do what he did but I feel like now that I know better the texts, that conversation saddens me because now I see it as him saying goodbye.

I wish I could go back in time and see him.  I still think about him all the time.  Occasionally I'll think of something and catch myself before I pick up the phone to call him or send him a text.  It's just so hard to say goodbye.  He used to visit often in my dreams but I feel like with my anger he knew or God did that I needed some processing time.  But I miss that.  I wish he would come sit with me there and talk.  That we could have a conversation and he could tell me all that he has seen since he's been gone.

I wish he wasn't dead.  Dead that word just has so much weight to it.  I think it's actually the first time I've used it.  Normally I say lost my brother, or passed or something like that but really he is dead to this world but alive in another.  God how I miss him.  But I know one day I will see him again and until that day I want to be a beacon of hope to everyone around me to minister to everyone however I can.

Help me Lord to be all that I can be.  To reach out to the hurting and broken.  To love the unlovable.  Help me to stop putting myself first and put other's first always.  Open me up to see people the way you see them.  To see their hurts and pains that must be touched.  Help me Lord Jesus.  ~Amen