I love the fall.  I always wanted a fall wedding.  But due to family members starting out of state college it seemed like a fall wedding just wouldn't work very well for us.  So we settled on a June wedding, the first day of Summer and Father's day actually.  It was beautiful but truly I believe there is nothing better than crisp fall weather, sunshine that can warm you to the bone, pumpkin everything, sweaters, scarves and boots!  The leaves are glorious and beyond compare.  I just love it.  But this year as we end September and go into October, what I look at as the heart of the fall months, I feel a deep sense of sadness and loss. 

This fall will make a year since we lost my baby brother Nathan to suicide.  It was on Halloween last year that Nathan and I had our last conversation we would ever have.  It was when I shared with him the news of our pregnancy. We told each other how much we loved each other and how grateful we were for each other, but he knew he was leaving us and that was his goodbye.  All the what ifs, buts and so much more come back up.  All the grief that you forget through the business of life begins to rear its ugly head.  You remember that month so vividly.  You realized that it was the last month any of us would be given the opportunity to tell him we love him. So I would ask for your prayers as the anniversary of my baby brothers death approaches. If I seem withdrawn, sad, distracted or short tempered just bear with me I promise it is not you but this is a time I want to pull into myself, be introverted and deal with all the emotions of grief that still come in waves. I love you Nathan so much. We miss you! I still can't believe your gone. 

Words can not heal our grieving hearts but prayers can help numb it.  So I ask for prayers for my family.  I ask for God's grace to come on us and his healing touch to engulf us.  We can not do it on our own.