A tightly coiled spring

Lately I have felt like a very tightly coiled spring ready to either be sprung like a bullet or break under the pressure.  Its going to be one or the other.  Its not just one thing that's making me feel this way either its the entire situation.   The not being able to be in control.  The wonder of what the answer is going to be.  Then there is the intuition I have that this chapter in this journey is coming to a close.  Isaac pointed out this could be a good thing and be bringing us into a new chapter of joy but I'm not so optimistic.  Not because I don't want to be but because for the past year and 10 months it has been month after month after month of bad news.  And today I am feeling it.  Oh so badly.  I have Pandora playing right now with Our God by Chris Tomlin playing...kind of exactly what I need to hear.

I broke down today at work.  And I know some things in my personal life have something to do with it.  It's been a very rough 24 hours.   Not to mention still the no caffein, sugar and the medication, ect.  I'm just exhausted.  Emotionally physically and spiritually.  I tried to pray and couldn't I just have no energy.  I'm just ready for all this to be over.

On the other side of things I'm on my last week of birth control so I will find out very soon if I will indeed be able to receive the treatment or not.  So either way this chapter is coming to an end.  I will get closure one way or the other.  I just pray it's in the way of being able to be pregnant.  I keep thinking of the joys of carrying a child.  The miracle that you are a part of and how amazing it is!  I want to experience this miracle for myself.

Lord you said not to worry about tomorrow tomorrow has enough troubles on its own.  Well Lord I need help.  Right now I have so much wrong with me, so much I need to look at I just need your help to stay calm and peaceful either way.  Help me Oh Lord.  I want every decision every day to be something that brings glory and honor to you.  I keep giving into my flesh and allow my emotions to take control and I just can't anymore.  God help me to guard my tongue to guard what I say and how I say it.  It is no longer I who live but Christ who lives in me.  In your holy Son's name I pray Lord.  ~Amen.