I woke up this morning to some brown spotting.  It never went past that or turned into fresh spotting.  It was only thick cervical mucous with a little bit of brown and two single blood clots.  Other than that nothing.  Part of me knew to expect it since I have bled every single  pregnancy including Ezekiel's.  The other part of me took comfort in the fact that it wasn't fresh blood it was brown and dark...so that has to be good right?  All the thoughts and memories of the past began to flood in a little of researching and analyzing.  I got up and decided not today.  I have no control over what is going to happen so I give this pregnancy to God.  I had decided not to take another pregnancy test for that reason because I would analyze is it darker?  Is it lighter?  Is it chemical?  So I decided to just go about my day.  I get Ezekiel up we go downstairs for breakfast and the phone rings.  It is the Dr's office they want me to go in for a Beta blood test.  I explained to her about the spotting and asked if I should just go ahead and wait then to see if my period ends up coming as it's due today/tomorrow.  She asked if I took another test this morning?  I told her no and she said to take another one and if it's positive they will do a Beta.  So I guess that made up my mind for me.  I finished breakfast and got Ezekiel cleaned up and up to the bathroom I went.  I was nervous since every time I have ever taken a test in the early morning it most always is negative(first morning urine was never good  for me whether for opks, hpts ect;) so imagine my surprise and delight when the test showed positive and even darker.  So I got my Beta drawn and will go back on Tuesday to get another one.  The office didn't receive the results before they closed so the earliest I will hear back from them is going to be Tuesday.  However, I signed up to have the results emailed to me when available but they said it can take up to a week to get me my results on their site.  So back to a waiting game.

I feel very much at peace which is nice.  Though hesitant till I see those numbers to let myself feel excited.  I'm not over analyzing anything or focusing on stuff.   I really feel like God has just reached down and said:  I got this.  But now I am wondering what I should do about delivery.  I absolutely loved the midwives that I saw at my previous hospital.  However I also wonder if I need to stick with this OBGYN who prescribed me the medication at least at the beginning.   However today I started having second thoughts when I was pulling into the place to get my beta drawn the Drs office calls again and tells me they are adding a blood type test as well since they have no history of what I am.  This gives me a few things I am not a fan about 1-I would have to start from scratch with all my medical history/delivery history 2-The hospital is further away and not at all convenient to get to 3-I loved the immediate skin to skin, the zero pressure for epidural and to support me to go as I wanted to.  4- I really feel like the next child we have unless God gives us a miracle will be the last time I am on medication so I want the delivery to be as stress free as possible.  And knowing that I was at the hospital with the midwives before and loved everything about them I feel like they are who I want to stick with.  Isaac said to trust my gut and my gut isn't doing much but feeling really bloated right now.  Especially as I haven't really let it sink in yet.  I think I will most likely call the midwives after the Beta results and see if they will see me for this pregnancy.  I can't imagine they wouldn't as they saw me from the Reproductive Endocrinologist.  So time will tell.