Therapy

I had my first therapy session today.  We didn't talk about much.  I gave her my family history and told her why I was there.  She said she will take the first few sessions just getting to know me, my background ect; and then we will continue with coping ect; and to start I will do every week(minus next week since she is on vacation).  We seemed to mesh pretty good.  She asked questions and made statements that proved her to be very knowledgeable.  And she even mentioned the survivors of suicide support group and some of what they feel.

She did mention a grief group she though I might want to try out but I explained that being an empathic I will suck up all the grief around me and wont really be able to heal or focus on my own healing.  When I talk to someone in pain I immediately want to help them and yet at the same time I succumb to their emotions and hardships as well.

So I really hope this helps.  Already I've been thinking well what comes next.  She knows what happened but she can't change anything so what is the point of going ect;  But I know I can't think like that.  I know I have to press on and move forward.  I know that I can't just not deal with this.  Not deal with the anger, the sadness and the guilt.


On August 29th I'll be getting a tattoo in honor of him.  He took this picture of his eye:

And he drew a picture of a tree covered in fireflies so I will be doing this with the silote of a tree in the pupil covered in fireflies with the fire flies coming up out of the eye to represent him no longer being with us.  I'm very ready.

Today has been a little rough, I am just emotional, sleep deprived and overall just ready for some relaxation.  So Isaac just got home I gave the baby a bath and have handed him over so I can do this entry then I'm going to go take a nap.  I feel just so sleep deprived I am so ready for some rest.

I have a lot more I want to say but I think I need to go take a nap first.