Feeling Better

Last night I got my first good night of sleep since my brother past away 3 weeks ago.  I still woke up in the middle of the night for a few hours but the fact that I got more than 4 hours of sleep was pretty amazing. 

As to the bleeding, thankfully it has stopped that same day(this past Thursday) after 10 minutes and all I had was light spotting for the rest of the evening now things are back to normal with nothing.  I'm hoping/praying that that bleeding was my sch getting smaller- the blood that she saw on the ultrasound was standing blood and she said that if it didn't heal and get absorbed it was going to come out.  So hopefully it's all gone and now can heal up.

Today was also a good day in the realm of morning sickness.  I didn't feel nauseous at all today, which was amazing and made work so easy.  I was also able to eat all day throughout the day without feeling like I was going to throw up after. 

Emotionally I feel so much better than I did the other day.  I know God has his hand on this pregnancy and despite all the hardships and frustrations that are taking place will just make holding our precious baby that much more special.  I know that God isn't letting this baby go anywhere.  

My next appointment is in three weeks and I'll get to hear the heartbeat.  I'm so excited I can't wait to hear that beautiful little beating. 

Things are not however going very well today in the regards to my brother's passing.  Today has been a very tough emotional day where I've started to cry more times than I can count. Just the thought of him makes me so sad.  It's hard for me to look at pictures where before I found it a comfort.  As soon as I see his face, no matter what age I just break down.  I know this wont last but its so very hard.  I miss him so much I don't even have words to describe it. 

Nathan I love you and I miss you.  You were so special and made such an 

impact on so many lives.  We don't know how to continue living a "normal" 

life without you.  I don't know if there is such a thing as normal anyway.  I wish I

had just five more minutes with you.  I would give anything to be able to say I love you one 

time.  But I can't.  But I know you know.  I know you watch us from the stars as you travel the 

universe experiencing and exploring all those things your wondered about and wanted to see.

We love you Nathan, always will.