Not what I expected

I have to say when we finally got pregnant I pictured a beautiful wholesome completely enjoyable time.  I know that God is in full control of everything that is happening is not out of his hands. 

But when we finally got pregnant I never thought I would keep hitting the 25 % of women get.....
1- 25% of women get implantation bleeding....I had that, really heavy actually.
2-25% of women carry Strep B throughout their life-  Yep got that covered
3-25% of women get Subchorionic Hemorrhages(SCH)-well we know thats there

I had a miniature breakdown yesterday.  The midwife had said they recommend pelvic rest(aka no sex) when you have the SCH's so that you don't bleed because sex can cause more bleeding.  I asked if it was dangerous to the baby to have sex, could make the sch worse or knock anything loose...she said no to all but that you will probably bleed after so they just say not to. 

But going back to how my last appointment was when I was with the midwife this last time she saw the baby and then she showed me the sch and we could see that it was still full of blood and she told me most likely if it doesn't heal I can expect to bleed possibly at different times throughout my pregnancy.  That clots are okay that only time I need to be concerned is if its continues heavy bleeding(filling a pad and hour) and I start passing clots the size of a golf ball. 

So Isaac and I haven't had sex since before we went down to Louisiana for my brother's funeral...so now we are getting close to a month(a little over three weeks)  and though Isaac hasn't said a word I just feel like as a wife I'm not meeting his needs.  So I decided I want to try last night...yeah maybe not even two minutes in I started bleeding and made the whole thing stop.  I bled really heavy for 10 minutes full of clots and craziness.  I know its just the sch and I know the baby is fine but still this just makes me feel so emotional.  How can I not meet my husbands needs.  I feel sick, my morning sickness is getting worse every day and I just feel worn down, I'm only sleeping a few hours every night, I wake up after a few hours wide awake and normally don't fall asleep for quite a while.  He is of course being incredibly supportive and says he doesn't care...and I love him for it. 

After the bleeding had started I just wanted to call the midwives just in case even though I knew what it was and what it is....they told me if I want to come in this morning for another ultrasound to just put my mind at ease they could try and squeeze me in but I decided against it.  I know what it was, its exactly what they told me would happen.  And my poor baby is only 9 weeks and has already had 6 ultrasounds so I feel like I just want to give the poor little thing time to grow without being peeked on for a few weeks.  My next midwife appointment is in 3 weeks and when I go in I'll ask for at least hearing the heartbeat while we are there if not an ultrasound to see how big the sch is.