That being said thankfully no more bleeding at all since Tuesday just a lot of thick white cervical mucus so I'm taking that as a good sign. Isaac and I had the day off together today and we will have the day off together tomorrow. Then we both head back to work on Monday.
How am I doing? Well honestly that depends on the topic. We started talking about baby themes for the nursery and love the ideas: For a boy Calvin and Hobbes theme and I'll paint a mural kind of like this:
Maybe done a little different. And if it's a girl I think I want to do a Alice in Wonderland theme. Though Isaac isn't 100% sold yet but he likes the idea it would just depend on execution. But I'd like to have it with all the strange wonderful creatures that live within. Haven't found anything picture wise I really like but I'd paint a mixture of different creatures:
I think at this point I'm at a place where when I talk about this stuff I'm great. I can almost hold it mostly together. But I can feel the emotions still waring within me. Don't think I'm holding it in, I've cried more than I've ever cried in my life. I don't think I have many more tears to be able to cry. But I literally feel like a piece of me is missing. I don't know that that will ever go away honestly. I think it will get easier. But I don't know that it will ever disappear, to be honest I don't know that I'd want it too, he means too much to me for it to go away.
I think getting back to work will be really good. It will be hard don't get me wrong but so good at the same time. I think I may just go ahead and start letting my clients know that I am expecting since I will be 9 weeks on Monday. And it will give us something happy to talk about.
Wow that seems so close to the second trimester....but yet even once I hit that second trimester I don't know that I will ever feel out of the woods. Isaac and I both know that God has his hand on this little angel and that baby isn't going anywhere. But until I'm holding that beautiful little angel in my arms I will always have those what ifs popping into my mind, I just won't give them any justification to continue to play around in my mind. For if God is for me who or what can be against me.
The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them. Psalm 34:7
He will love you and bless you and increase your numbers. He will bless
the fruit of your womb, the crops of your land--your grain, new wine and
olive oil--the calves of your herds and the lambs of your flocks in the
land he swore to your ancestors to give you.
Deuteronomy 7:13
Deuteronomy 7:13
This is what the LORD says-- he who made you, who formed you in the
womb, and who will help you: Do not be afraid, Jacob, my servant,
Jeshurun, whom I have chosen.
Isaiah 44:2
Isaiah 44:2
My sister bought me the book: Supernatural Childbirth by Jackie Mize and it has a lot of positive confirmations in there along with prayers to profess over yourself every day. A reminder of His truths of conceiving and giving birth to a healthy strong and whole baby.
Today though the passage that really spoke to me was Psalm 40:
I waited patiently for the Lord;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
2He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
3He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear the Lord
and put their trust in him.
4Blessed is the one
who trusts in the Lord,
who does not look to the proud,
to those who turn aside to false gods.b
5Many, Lord my God,
are the wonders you have done,
the things you planned for us.
None can compare with you;
were I to speak and tell of your deeds,
they would be too many to declare.
6Sacrifice and offering you did not desire—
but my ears you have openedc
—
burnt offerings and sin offeringsd
you did not require.
7Then I said, “Here I am, I have come—
it is written about me in the scroll.e
8I desire to do your will, my God;
your law is within my heart.”
9I proclaim your saving acts in the great assembly;
I do not seal my lips, Lord,
as you know.
10I do not hide your righteousness in my heart;
I speak of your faithfulness and your saving help.
I do not conceal your love and your faithfulness
from the great assembly.
11Do not withhold your mercy from me, Lord;
may your love and faithfulness always protect me.
12For troubles without number surround me;
my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see.
They are more than the hairs of my head,
and my heart fails within me.
13Be pleased to save me, Lord;
come quickly, Lord, to help me.
14May all who want to take my life
be put to shame and confusion;
may all who desire my ruin
be turned back in disgrace.
15May those who say to me, “Aha! Aha!”
be appalled at their own shame.
16But may all who seek you
rejoice and be glad in you;
may those who long for your saving help always say,
“The Lord is great!”
17But as for me, I am poor and needy;
may the Lord think of me.
You are my help and my deliverer;
you are my God, do not delay.
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