Fair warning the first half of this entry is probably going to be mostly ranting and complaining. I of course since starting this blog have strived to try and stay honest and raw with my emotions so here you go: This week has really been an emotional roller coaster. I just feel so run down and exhausted all the time. My emotions are everywhere. I almost killed Isaac over a reeses peanut butter cut I had set aside for myself that mysteriously went missing and of course....he didn't eat it though I was at work all day. Yes I know I already sound pathetic haha.
But even beyond that getting comfortable in bed is something that happens few and very far between. I get sleep in intermittent intervals. Maybe an hour or two then I'll wake up wide awake, and fight to go back to sleep. I always feeling like I have a very full bladder but only a little trickle will come out. That's one of the things I am definitely looking forward to the most about getting my body back. Being able to empty my bladder.
I also have been having some very real crazy vivid dreams. A lot about going into labor and meeting my baby boy. Those are always so pleasant and make me so happy. But then some not so nice ones. I had a dream Saturday night that Isaac had cheated on me and when I woke up I was so incredibly angry at him I had to literally do some breathing exercises and keep repeating to myself it was just a dream to keep me from wanting to punch him in the face as he laid next to me. Even several hours later I was still feeling emotions from it. It was absolutely insane.
Work is getting so hard. It's hard to stay on my feet. Its hard to keep up with the schedule I have and even harder to care about my clients lives unless I've been doing their hair for a while and have a relationship with them already. I have a few clients I may have done once or twice who keep saying I can't wait till you get back from maternity leave I will be booking back with you asap and to be quite honest I just feel like laughing. I have clients I have worked with for 4.5 years and trust me they are going to be the ones getting in my appointments first not you since I just met you. But I just smile nod and say don't worry you'll be in good hands while I'm gone and I'll see you when I get back. I did decide that for my last two weeks(starting June 1st) I will go down to a part time schedule 4-5 hour days. I just want to try and keep little man cooking for as much as possible.
Isaac doesn't know if or how he will be able to get a schedule that will work for us with the baby. Not that I'm surprised because since he started in March the times he gets off have been so sporadic. He's almost never home before 6 and sometimes even later. I had to pick him up from work at 11 pm the other week! But he loves it and I love seeing him happy going to work. Its been almost 2 years since he walks in the door and I can say how was work and he responds great with a smile! I always told him I would rather him be happy in what he does then to take a job based on money. Money is here today but gone tomorrow. He is the provider for the family so whatever he wants to do/works out I will run with it.
So now that I'm done complaining. Life really is so good. In just a matter of weeks we will be meeting our beautiful baby boy. I am so excited! Nervous, but excited. Everything is ready to go and in a week I'll be term and he can come whenever his little heart desires. Though I'm still going to try and keep him in there a little longer. Though I was talking to my sister yesterday and told her that I say that now but with how uncomfortable I feel within a week I might be praying to God to get this baby out of me. She laughed and said she remembered those feelings.
So all in all things are going very well, very smoothly. I'm just trying to listen to my body and give it what it needs. Rest, relaxation and calmness.
No comments:
Post a Comment