Feeling Numb

We found out today that the school loan deferment doesn't count for Isaac's loans that are privately owned(which is all of them apparently)  So now we have to try and go through the collectors agency and see if we can work out a payment plan of some kind that we can actually afford.  If not then we are just going to have to let them default.  Which poor Isaac is really stressing out about.  He hates not being in control, being a provider and giving us all we need/want.

One thing I'm realizing though is that this just proves that no matter how great tings are seeming they can always crumble.  But I'm also reminded of Matthew 6: 25-34


²⁵ “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷ Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life^[e]?
²⁸ “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹ Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰ If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? ³¹ So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

We are definitely finding the troubles of each day.  But it seems to be pretty well balanced, the days I'm freaking out and upset Isaac does well and the days he is stressing I'm holding it together.  

God looking at the big picture I can start freaking out so bad.  But I know that you are so in control.  You saw the big picture from the very beginning and opened the doors that needed opened and have provided for us miraculously from the very beginning.  I pray you would help us to be good stewards over what we have and  help us to be faithful with the little things.  

On another note I know I should be so thankful and happy for help when it comes to medicaid for me and the baby and wic to help with some of the expenses but it kind of just makes me sad to have to be here.  But I know that we will be happy to have every bit of help we can get.  

I keep thinking back on how proud I was that I had the option to be a stay at home Mom if I wanted to be.  It added so much relief to the thought of having a baby.  But now knowing that currently it's not even a option unless something changes.  I don't even know how I feel I think just kind of numb is the best description.  Because I don't have any control over whats going on or what is happening I am just going through the motions trying to make things as easy a transition as possible for us.  And trying to save us as much money as possible.  I don't really feel scared or afraid, God has ALWAYS provided for us and He will this time too.  So I just have to continue to take it one day at a time and know and pray that God is going to open the doors for Isaac and I.