Pressed Down

Sometimes when the stack of things you have to do is so big it's hard to just take a moment and actually rest.  I'm not talking about relaxing or catching your breathe.  I'm talking about genuinely sitting back and just letting the presence of God refill you.  I feel like in this past week it's been so hard for me to do that.  Not just from the stress of Isaac getting laid off, to be honest I'm surprisingly not worried about that at all.  But more just overwhelmed with stuff going on with my family and my own emotions with what they are dealing with along with Nathan no longer being here.  I talked to my  older brother who had a really rough week, then I talked to my Dad who is really struggling with the fact that Nathan is truly gone and will not be coming back.  Then my Sister-in-law is going through some really hard times and I just wish there was something I could do for all of them....but I can't.  I have nothing.  All I can do is cry out to God.  But I just feel pressed down.  I had finally gotten the numbers of some of the counselors for me to go talk to but now with all of the stuff with loosing our insurance I don't even think its an option anymore.  So I kind of feel like I have all my own emotions I'm carrying, along with the struggles and burdens of everyone I love.  Part of it is the fact I'm an empathic person so I just suck in everyone's emotions if they open up to me, the other is the idea that my heart just so breaks for them.  I wish I could take away the pain.  I wish I could make it better.  But at the same time my own grief feels so crippling I want to just sit in the dark and cry.  I know things will get better.  I know that there is light at the end of the tunnel.  I just have to continue to press on.  Continue to move forward.  One day at a time.

Isaac got all his unemployment stuff in the mail yesterday so thankfully we will get that stuff together pretty fast.  I got  my Wic application but my midwives have to fill that out and I don't have an appointment with them until 3/2/15 so that's on hold for a little bit.  Though I did email my midwives to find out if they could fill it out then send it to the office based on my last visit or if they need current proof of stuff.  So we will see.

Right now I'm just trying to really rest.  Take care of myself, Ezekiel and of course Isaac, though all he wants is to take care of us.  Easier said than done that's for sure but we will make it through I know. I'll be 22 weeks on Monday.  I feel like it is flying by so fast!