Half Way There-20 Weeks

Today I have made it to 20 weeks.  I am officially 5 months and half way there.  It is so incredibly amazing.  I love and cherish every second of this that I can.  I am slightly exhausted as I am doing a 10 day work stretch right now.  But thankfully I have loved the clients I have had and that has made it so much easier to get through the day.

Today though has been a little emotional.  I had a dream last night where I woke up not remembering what the dream was but remembered the fact that in the dream I was well aware that Nathan was no longer with us.  I woke up remembering that in my dream Nathan was dead.  It put a very sad start to the morning.  I wonder if it's because yesterday a client of mine who lost her sister recently came in and almost started crying in my chair several times, making me almost cry.  I think all in all it has just been an emotional day.   In the past when a dream involved him I would wake up sad but so glad I got to see him or hear his voice. 

A few weeks ago a friend of mine gave me the number and a website to some therapists that I asked for.  I haven't called them yet.  As silly as it seems I feel like that's such a big step.  I've never done anything like that before and I know I need to.  It's just I'm normally the one that everyone opens up to and talks to it is just really hard for me to see myself opening up like I should.  All I'm picturing is not even being able to get words out just bawling my eyes out the whole first session.  But I think that might be exactly what I need.  So it's on my bucket list by the end of the week I want to have found someone and scheduled my first appointment.  Just another thing to add to the many things I have going on: Drs appointments, Birthing classes, and so much more but I know it will be good for me. 

But I do have the fact that little Ezekiel is growing well to keep the day bright.  He has turned into a pretty active young man and I love feeling him move around as I am walking around or even the flips it feels like he's doing that I feel when I'm laying down.  It just puts a smile on my face.  So for now I'll try to take it day by day and face one challenge at a time.