What ifs.....Oh how I hate the what ifs. Part of me wants so badly to pull back out that blanket I had started knitting and begin working on it again. But then the what ifs begin to come to mind. I remember how it had begun to feel like a burden instead of a release. It had begun to feel as a constant reminder that I was not having a baby. That once again things failed.
But for now I have peace and hope. I am so incredibly excited for the possibility of holding a baby in my arms in just 40 weeks. But then I remember the constant devastation that had taken place in the past. What ifs begin to surface. What if though everything was timed just right we still don't get pregnant. After all it takes people months to be able to get pregnant even when they do have treatment cycles.
But then I argue the logic that if God opened this door for us would He really just open it only to close the door in our faces? But I know His will is going to be done either way. And if I do not get pregnant this cycle....like every other cycle I will simply pick myself up and continue on my way. I will go forward because I must go forward.
So I'm not sure what will take place in the future but I do know that I'm excited and nervous all at the same time. Now to stay busy for the next few weeks until I can test.
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