1st Beta-Blood work

So here is an update for my previous post.  It is now blood work official I am pregnant.  It just seems so unreal.  They didn't seem concerned at all about my spotting and told me to just continue with the same dose of progesterone that I'm on.

So a full update is this:

Through out the day the spotting went on and off, most of the time just a funky brown discharge but at one point in time I went to the restroom and there was bright red.  Thankfully it didn't stay.  I got a phone call from the Dr with my blood test(Beta) results while I was at work at 2:30ish and the Nurse left this message(left a few non needed things out:

"Hey Devin I just wanted to let you know we got your Beta results in and congratulations you are pregnant.  Your pregnancy numbers were 21.  Now do we typically like to see that a little higher?  We do, but at two weeks after so that doesn't necessarily mean anything so we are going to have you come in on Tuesday morning for another Beta test so we can check and measure that things are growing how they should." --She then goes on to say she told the Dr about my concern with spotting and wondering if I need more progesterone the Dr said no I do not and for me to stay on the same dose.  So she really wasn't concerned about it.  

I've replayed that message 5 times trying to listen to anything in her voice that could give away if she thinks I should be concerned or not.  So finally I ask myself why am I doing this?  For the first time in 2 years I finally have the answer I've been wanting but I'm so afraid to reach out and believe it.  Why?  I'm afraid once I do it will be snatched away in a heart beat.  But that isn't how things work.  God let us get to this point He isn't just going to let us fall.  I shouldn't live my life surrounded in fear of failure, instead I need to rejoice in the every day little victories. 

So for what is going on with me now:  The spotting has stopped, but it was really off and on all day so I'm curious to see what will happen.  I've been having a pulling feeling in my ovary/uterus area.  And just all around feel really really really bloated.  I actually don't think that was enough really's in there.  I had a really hard time buttoning up my work pants today and they are the same ones I just wore yesterday.  So I'm taking that as a good sign.

I am excited to get through tomorrow.  If I can make it without my period coming I will feel I'm in the clear.  Well till Sunday maybe then I'll feel clear.  But overall I'm trying to be excited!  I am excited!  I'm just still in a state of unbelief.  I think until I go in on Tuesday and hear about the second set of numbers I'm going to be a little dumbfounded....or is it denial.

But I don't want to be in denial.  I want to be able to shout it from the roof tops that I'm having a baby!!!!!!!  I'm finally pregnant.  God heard our cries!!!!!  I know exciting things are in store.

Lord I ask for your peace and wisdom to dwell in me.  I ask that you would guide my thoughts in the right direction when doubts, fear and anxiety arise.  You are the protector of the righteous and as many times as you have protected me I know you are protecting my baby: " I knew you before I formed you in your mother's womb. Jeremiah 1:5"  I claim this over my child right now Father that you are there.  You know who this person is going to grow up to be and what they are going to become.  I thank you that your hand is on me and my family in many ways and blessing us with children is only one of them.  Help me to be guided in your way in Jesus name.  ~Amen